I can't go away for any length of time. No $$$. Did I say no $$$? I meant NOOOO $$$ as in ZERO Dollars, NADA.

Anyhow, what do I say? "I can't cope? I need space? I can't deal with you? You are wonderful? I'm f**ked up? I want to curl up & bawl? I can't deal with this? I'm tired of faking it?" (acting as if, that is).

I'm too stressed to make take care of myself let alone put his needs in front of mine. Does that make sense? I feel so selfish.

I don't know why it is so hard for me, but I just want to hear that he loves me or cares about me, etc.

Anyway, I know I am jumping all over the place. Yesterday was good. My mom was sick Tday and her basement has been flooding so she brought her turkey over our house to cook. H helped clean the house and did a really good job. My uncle came over so it was just the 4 of us. After everyone left I was going to start the dishes and he said that we could do them tomorrow and that it was time to crash. I said that he could go without me and he said that no b/c it was time for "snugglies." I also was trying to go back to some of my 180's sun. morn. and not hang on him. He did pull me towards him to spoon and then initiated . My prob. was that Sat. he made a joke when I wanted him to say something romantic. (Right-I could not control the situation...) Then I got upset about not "hearing" words from him enough. We talked **too much**... That's why i feel like I am messing up big time. If I keep doing this, things will just go back to the way they were. I feel unhappy, so does he, we both say things we don't want to hear, etc.

thanks for listening!
k