I understand you are trying very hard to change and rectify the hurt you caused your W for a very long time because you treated her poorly. I think the issue is the way you are trying to change may not be the best way.
Every couple has weird little quirks but if you add up all the weird little quirks you and your W have it is a bit disturbing IMO.
If your W can maneuver a flat iron/curling iron, operate a vehicle/ipod/computer/cell phone/remote control and function at work then why can't she lock a door in her own home? Do you see why that comes off as beyond bizarre? And even more bizarre is the fact you continue to do such a basic task for her. It almost seems like the two of you have a R that is not a husband and wife who are at odds with one another but more like you are the lonely/overbearing parent and she is the spoiled/sullen teenager.
All these strange rituals the two of you have seem to block the building of equality/respect and simple fuel this odd dynamic the two of you share.
If your W can operate a motor vehicle and technology she can lock a door. And if she cannot work the lock why not ask her to take a ride to the hardware store with you so the two of you can choose a lock that you both can work? IMO such a simple action could really go a long way to stop the cycle of the very odd rituals the two of you seem to have.
What you perceive as actions towards being a good H (doing EVERYTHING for your W and essentially following her around and having to cajole her into acting normal) are really adding to the toxicity of the R you two share.
I know you are trying here and that is good. Very good. I just think it might be time to do something else.
