When I picked up the kids from her today, I noticed that she kept looking at my left hand. What else did she expect - did she think I would continue to wear a symbol of her broken vows and the life that had been taken from me?
She tentatively brought up the topic of maintenance payments for my boys. Not sure on how to handle this. I am confident in my rights and how much I would be expected to pay - and also the things she is liable for (our debts).
She looked very unhappy.
Whereas I was up beat and cheerful. I was wearing new clothes, loud music playing in the car....ect.
Turns out the Outlaws have been trying to get in touch with me. Seems they want to 'bury the hatchet' and clear the air and remove any hard feelings. Tsk............
They do not know of the affair. Should I tell them?
Should I even speak to them?
They only want to salve their consciences.
But it may well help things...
Any way, got to go, I've just been 'winked' at on a dating site I'm registered on.
Bonn Chance.
Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
I would tell them the truth, reluctantly. Tell them you love their daughter, that this ISN'T what you wanted, but that you love and respect them too much to ever lie to them.
As for the maintenance payments, you should have only ONE response to such questions: "I'll have to discuss that with my attorney. Why don't you ask yours to get us something specific, and we'll get back to you."
I have seen the boys each day - sometimes only for a few hours. This can't be helped as I have to work around my shift pattern.
Nothing new from the Waw. She now waves me off when I leave. But there has been no new conversations about finances (for now ), and no mention of R talk at all.
This is how I want it for now.
I am allowing things to find their own natural rhythm, and I am having a blue weekend.
It is difficult having to leave my boys.
Oh hum.
They are staying here on Monday & Friday night, and I will pick them up from school each day this week and see them for about 4 hrs each day.
Gyn.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
It has been a while so here is the current stitch in a nutshell.
We are still separated and living in separate homes. She is still in contact with OM. She sees him every day, and he stays over night 5/7 nights. He sleeps on the couch when my boys stay at hers overnight.
We have had one very brief R talk, where she stated that too much had gone on between us and led her to walk out for the second time. I left the door open - so to speak - and told her I did not agree. I have unrestricted access to my boys, and have them whenever i am not in work. I have dated other women and she knows this. The only response to me going out was when she displayed anger and accused me of, quote, neglecting the boys because of my hectic social life.unquote.
In the past 4 weeks her father was taken very ill and spent time in hospital. I asked about him and the MIL on several occasions and showed genuine concern for them. I gave her reassurance, and held out my hand to give her a hand squeeze of comfort and compassion. She wouldnt let go of my hand for the next 30 seconds and kept squeezing it tightly whenever I made a move to release her hand.
A week later I showed compassion, and again she wouldnt let go of my hand. There had been no physical contact at all since the day she walked out in May.
She is now going out of her way to help me in anything I do - lending me money, helping with the boys...
Our conversations when we hand over the boys are getting longer and longer and are much more friendly. She now moves to within kissing distance when we talk, and wants to know more about what has happened in my day.
I have found her twice in the past 3 weeks staring at my ringless wedding ring finger. I took it off at the end of May. When she stares at my missing ring, it is not a quick glance, but a sustained stare.
This week I have been struggling to sleep as my mind will not turn off, and my thoughts keep returning to her and how I should handle things.
I believe an R talk is about to happen.
I am very undecided about how I feel for her.
I do not want to close the door on her, and I want her to think that there is a chance for us to work things out.
Would putting my ring back on be a sign that I am still open to her, or do I stand by my original thought that the OM must be gone Before I would consider wearing my ring again.
Regards, Gyn
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Funny you dropped in. There was a thread about "who was your first poster going on yesterday, it made me go back a reflect on my beginning"s here.
You were there for me early on. thanks.
And thanks to everyone else too.:)
AS for the ring thing, IMO I wouldn't wear it while OM is still in picture.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Sometimes it is too easy to get hung up on the small details. Ring on, ring off..... In the main it is a small detail.
My actions have taken me this far, I see no reason to deviate from my path...
Regards, Gyn
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Talk about getting stuck on the small details. I am just about to continue my mistakes from the past - time to learn from others mistakes, not my own.
This is an earlier posting from Gucci Loafer;
Quote,
Wrong guys.. Wrong..
It is WHEN the WAW begins to FEEL (notice the word FEEL or FEELINGS) that the BS may not only have let go, but that they MAY (notice the word may) have now lost the BS for good...
The betrayed spouse has their best chance when the wayward stops thinking "how do I get out of this" to..
"did I go too far? what have I done? maybe I have made a mistake"....
Those thoughts CAN NOT enter the WS's mind UNTIL they start to ponder that they may have lost the betrayed spouse.
As long as the WS still thinks you want them back it doesn't matter how much of GAL you do. Part of the GAL that is so important is the part where the WS WONDERS if you are emotionally finished.. finito.. done.. The only way to do that is with NO PRESSURE. NO PURSUIT. NONE.
There are numerous examples of men and women on this site that admit they have gotten a life, but still haven't shown or convinced the WS that maybe, just maybe they have lost you for good. THAT is the key of GAL that opens the door to reconcile. (which is the biggest key the BS doesn't do.)
Unquote.
That is the bigger picture. My focus was getting blurred, as I think has been going on for a while. Define a while.??
My WAWs recent changes my be a reaction to my long term aim of detachment.
Now is not the time for me to lose focus and start reacting to her.
She is only reacting to me. A positive !
Regards, Gyn.
Amazing. A few mins trawling these boards can help in such a simple way.
Sorry to hear about your continuing sitch gr8.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
Cause all of the stars, Have faded away, Just try not to worry, You'll see them someday. Take what you need, And be on your way and, Stop crying your heart out.
