I am just trying to be the H she always wanted me to be. I know before our sitch if I had done these things there would be no sitch right now to talk about.
But you said she had "trouble" locking the doors. Why?
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Quote: Let her see herself out if you're tired. If you're already up, then fine, but don't follow after her like a servant. When you get up, check the doors. If they need to be locked, then lock them -- no big deal. LET HER DO MORE FOR HERSELF.
If I was not already up she would had said to me "I'm leaving for work." Just something we have ALWAYS done, let each other know we are leaving for work. I remember before our sitch sometimes I would just leave for work and not say anything, just leave, and she would call me on the phone so upset because I did not say "bye" (upset as an hurt not angry).
I'm not saying that you guys shouldn't let each other know when you're leaving. I'm saying that when she tells you, there's no need to get up out of bed and follow after her like a puppy dog.
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Her response: "I'm not being snotty, you are the one who has the attitude"
I am looking for all the advice I can get but do you think if I gave that response that it would just start an argument? and to me using the word "snotty" sounds juvenile and entices a negative response from her. it may also lead her to think a button had been pushed.
Are you saying you THINK that's what her response would be, or that you tried this, and she said that? As for the word "snotty," I like to call a spade a spade, and she IS being snotty to you. As for "starting an argument," sometimes you have to break a couple of eggs to make an omelette. I'm NOT saying to go around LOOKING for a fight, but -- in drawing a boundary -- sometimes one has to endure some short-term resistance in order to gain the long-term respect. Once you get better at this (learning to do it in a calm, loving -- but firm -- way), you'll usually have to do it only ONCE.
As for the last part of my post (about smothering her, and observing every little thing she does), and your response to it, I just don't think you're getting it. You have answers and justifications for everything you're doing, OIN, but IT'S . . .JUST . . . NOT . . . WORKING.
As for the word "snotty," I like to call a spade a spade, and she IS being snotty to you. As for "starting an argument," sometimes you have to break a couple of eggs to make an omelette. I'm NOT saying to go around LOOKING for a fight, but -- in drawing a boundary -- sometimes one has to endure some short-term resistance in order to gain the long-term respect. Once you get better at this (learning to do it in a calm, loving -- but firm -- way), you'll usually have to do it only ONCE.