It was just suggested to me that this may have been something of a plan since mid April. And I have to admit it does fit in several ways.
I KNOW from a review of phone records that she was talking to him in mid April at really weird times , 2AM , 4AM etc. Then there was an instance on the twins birthday where he was spending a day with each of the girls individually, one on Friday , one on Saturday. That was our weekend to have them, but we weren't going to interfere if he was trying to be a Dad again.
Well that Saturday, we were supposed to go over to the neighboring State to look at houses for our move. She was running late getting back from going somewhere with my Step mother. I called her cell a bunch of times with no response ( which in itself isn't that unusual since coverage has been known to be spotty in the more rural area's) I finally got a hold of her and she said she was on the way back.
You can imagine my surprise when I looked out in the driveway and there HE is and their talking pleasantly. Of course I got annoyed and when she came in I asked " What the hell is he doing here !??" She explained it as it was easier for him to follow her to pick up twin #2 for their day together then it was to explain to him how to get to our house, which made sense she's NEVER been very good at directions, I mean REALLY bad.
Then of course things went to hell within a couple weeks of that.
That's not to say she didn't have legitimate complaints with me, she definitely DID. But the picture is starting to become clearer, since I found out during our talk the other day that after losing custody of the twins, legally letting them be adopted and up until three months ago despising her MIL , she announced that she may now be getting full custody of their two kids BACK this fall. Which is something she's ALWAYS wanted to have.
So here's the hypothetical scenario that makes the most sense.
We're struggling, having financial problems, her feeling I'm not giving her enough emotional support , not spending enough time with the kids, not killing myself looking for a decent job in the worst economy in 70 years.
They have a random encounter or conversation about the twins. He smells her vulnerability and unhappiness from a mile away. He starts whispering in her ear about how he's got a place free and clear, they can have a "united front"(she actually used those words once in a conversation regarding why all of a sudden he wanted to be Dad of the year material after 14 years of not giving a damn) against his mother to get the twins, he still loves her, he gives her the emotional support she needs in a moment of deep vulnerability and weakness, just leave me for him and all her troubles will be solved and she'll have the twins back AND he doesn't care about the fact that we have two of our own, he'll accept them like I did theirs when they first split. She wont have to worry about work or bills or anything.
She seizes on the opportunity for relief ( in her mind ) from our very stressful reality, but keeps it from me. I make a ridiculously stupid comment here or there that gives her the PERFECT excuse to jump ship without feeling any guilt. She then starts rewriting our history to blame me for EVERYTHING that's gone wrong over the last several years, while not admitting much if any culpability of her own.
In her fog, all of her "issue's" are solved in one fell swoop, without even thinking about the damage to OUR kids.
The good conversation on Friday and the "slip" she made may have actually been genuine ( I do believe they are on some level ) but a much greater probability is that she is thinking she's being nice by trying to let me down easy. Or simply doesn't have the courage to own up to whats been going on, feeling that admitting such a thing either makes her an ugly person or something that I simply could NEVER forgive and she wants me as docile as possible in the hopes I cave on custody.
God I would kill to get copies of the texts she was sending to him with ever increasing frequency over the last 6 weeks, just to confirm my suspicions about what certainly seems to be a very probable situation. It does all make sense that's for sure.
The dilemma of course being, I SOOOOOOO want to let her know that I've figured the whole thing out and she's going to get the fight of her life over our kids, but that would be the exact opposite of what DR says to do. I KNOW if she does wind up with custody of her girls , that's IT for us, because she will NEVER leave them again, for any reconciliation between us. Although they will be 18 in three years. The only way I could see her coming back after getting the girls is either after their eighteen and on their own OR if I was somehow able to swing a house big enough for all of us together. But even that scenario is unlikely, since if my theory is correct, there's gotta be some "clause " formally or informally about them having the kids only if their together.
In a way Im glad I figured out a probable and plausible explanation of whats happened. But Im also PISSED that she doesnt seem to care about what her decisions are doing to OUR kids. And the fact that she doesnt have the courage to just tell me straight up. I doubt she would admit it, under oath, hooked up to a polygraph , with an injection of truth serum. She wouldnt admit it because it would eat at her, so she has to concoct a different version of events or justifications to be ok in her mind with what she's done.
Im gonna run my theory by our counselor neighbor and see what she thinks. She was babysitting my son last night, and I did mention to her my question about why the WAW would have reassured me that OUR kids will never call him Daddy , unless its already a long term thing in her mind. Needless to say I dont think Tuesdays meeting is going to be very pretty
