Well, things are ok. I'm freaking out a bit. As you may have noticed the pattern-things have been great. The weekend was awesome! I opened my heart and have truly been adoring him. Then Tuesday comes, and here come the irrational thoughts. Now I'm afraid that he'll get sick of being around me since we've been together every eve. since last Thurs. and we don't have plans to go out separately until Sat.
Well, last night I asked him about tonight. He didn't seem very enthused. So I ask him if he is having second thoughts or reservations. He says no. Then I say that he doesn't seem very interested. Then he says that we haven't had very good luck in those situations before. (Us going out to nightclubs w/his 2 guy friends.) So, I say that I want a chance to prove that I can handle it & that I want to hang out with his friends again, etc. He says
why can't we have separate activities?
why do I care so much about going to nightclubs w/him?
his one friend wants NOTHING to do w/me anymore (the other we bike ride and have dinner w/ is ok w/me but has expressed some discomfort with the jealousy)
We quit talking about it. He said he felt frustrated with me for making it a bigger deal than it was. Yes, I should have shut up. I KNOW he has reservations. We could have just gone out and I would have SHOWN him & friend that we could have a good time.
He seems to be ok. This morn. as I got ready, he came into my room to chit chat. I didn't bring it up again. I wanted to apologize. I was really exhausted yesterday-didn't sleep well the night before and work is kicking my butt, and mr. monthly is here. (yippee)
I still feel yucky tho. My feelings (ego) is hurt that his friend doesnt' want to be around me. I want to be able to just "hang" w/h and his friends like we did when we were dating. (well, I'm really not missing much). I'm still hung up on h getting dressed up to go out w/his friends. I feel so weird. What is wrong with me??
gotta go. sorry this is all over the place.. karen.
