Better Days

[NoLongerHere]

At this point the story is too long and complicated to summarize... TM = triplet mom

Went out with a buddy and saw a friend play music tonight. It was good.

Did talk to XW again eariler. My mind was going nuts for some reason, really nuts, and I hate to admit it, but she still does the trick. We're getting to the point where we can talk again, kind of.

I really want to figure out how to be an adult and take care of my own s#!t. Well, I kind of take that back, generally I do pretty good, I just get frustated with myself when I don't. Yeah, time to heal, all that... and yeah, I CAN handle it. Just tired of hearing myself whine. Damn it's late I'm going to bed.

[NoLongerHere]

I went out with TM last night.

Mmmmmmmm OK. More to say.

Was told spontaneously by someone on the street that we were a cute couple.

At one point we starting talking to a couple, their story was that they were both separated, and they live a couple houses away from each other, and TM told them how we'd known each other through the multiples' group from years ago, and we lived a couple of streets away from each other, and this whole interesting story about how ALL FIVE of our kids are the same age... and I just heard this conversation and thought, is this really my life now? And I talked to the guy a little bit about the "ex" situation - and you start getting questions about your situation, and I'm not sure how ready I was to be "cool" with it all.

And maybe this is why I've been wigging out today, not just that it's my "non"-anniversary, but this weird "who the &*(@ am I?" experience.

OK, so someone hit me with the 2x4 and tell me, you KNOW you're not ready for this, because you ALREADY TRIED IT dumba$$. And it's true, I know I like TM too much, and I know I'm not really over XW although I'd like to be, and I know I'm not the kind of guy that can take all that in stride. And the whole ambiguous this-isn't-a-relationship-but-apparently-it-is is not something I've ever done well.

[DaddyLongShanks]

Geronimo,

I think you can do it this time knowing what it is. I think your supposed to enjoy the moment with her. Don't analyze it.

How did "triplet mom" get her nickname? Is it she has actually gave birth to triplets?

[ImprovedRomeo]

I sometimes wonder if we're making things more complicated for ourselves than they have to be by over analyzing them.

When you say "you KNOW you're not ready for this" what is "this"? is it something made up in your mind and it really isn't it? or has to be it? why can't it just be "I like TM, I enjoy her company as a friend, I don't want to get ahead of myself by thinking she's the one etc but what's wrong with letting things progress in their natural ways?"

We all like to keep that hope alive for our WASs but sometimes I wonder if that's more destructive to us and we're just another bomb away from falling back into that crater that we've been trying to crawl out of.

I also know the feeling 'she still does the trick' as I wrote briefly in my thread yesterday. I see her and despite everything I still long to hold her in my arms. Could it be we're hopeless 'fixers' that need a constant challenge of fixing broken people/things etc? or is it just the comfort of the familiar?

[NoLongerHere]

DLS - Yes.
No, it was a really good time, I did enjoy it, and you guys are right.

[whatisis]

SR,I think it's an issue for Geronimo because whatever is happening with TM is an uncertainty and uncertainty causes anxiety and anxiety causes worry. It would be so easy to spend endless amounts of time analyzing what's really going on with TM, "am I a friend, a date or what?" "where is this going" "am I going to get hurt" "will I make an ass of myself".If you have worry issues than this can be an inviting new worry focus. It could be a good place to start with an anti-worry campaign though!

[NoLongerHere]

Nice stream of cursing and I-hate-you's from XW tonight. I'd just called to ask for the boys' clothes back. And got the I'm-so-mad-at-you because the R didn't work speech.

And now she just called to ask for a favor, to try to find something of hers in the house. And she ended with an "I hate my life" -

[whatisis]

It's times like these when you think "I'm not doing badly compared to her"! They leave to have better lives and this is often what they end up with. Sad, sad, sad...for everyone.

[alice444]

G- I have a small opinion, but wouldn't presume to tell you what is or isn't what you "should" be doing wrt TM. I think it's very tempting (although strangely, I'm not...) to want to dive in with the next person- especially a kind, empathetic person- to get out of how we're feeling. Not that that's the only reason you spend time with her. Or maybe you ARE ready, I just couldn't say. I am not and have zero desire to have any kind of relationship except with my H. Only you know what's right for you right now- and as long as it doesn't hinder your progress and what you're trying to do for your life and your boys right now, then maybe it's just not worth worrying about. Sounds like you and I have something in common- worrying. I even worry that I worry too much! LOL.

And for the record, I never thought you were crazy- far from it. I wonder what makes you even mention it? I poured out all sorts of things on my old thread, that's what this place is for. Anyone judging anyone else is in the wrong place, you know? You seem totally sane to me. But, as a friend, I'll let you know if I start to see any of those "pre-crazy warning signs" flying off of you so you can steer clear of the crazy

[whatisis]

Geronimo, I will repeat the advice given to me by a friend when I was in a somewhat similar situation, he said "bang her now and get something out of this before it blows up in your face". Now just remember, this is important, NEVER do what one of the guys tells you to do!