Cause for alarm?

[OfficerInNeed]

Questions: when was the last time this woman complimented you? Name three things she has said she liked about you.

She has not since our sitch began back in January. She us ect always. Well I don't know if this is a compliment or not but one day last week when she was telling me that she is "done" she said "I use to think yo were everything." I drop compliments to her whenever possible. The reason why is I use to put her down more than compliment her in the past. She always brings it up. I overheard how OM complimented her and this is how her obsession grew for him. Her gave her the attention and words I failed to give to her. I want her to know that I do find her to be very attractive contrary to what I might had said in the past.

Why does she have trouble locking the doors?

And can she not get an umbrella for herself?

I am just trying to be the H she always wanted me to be. I know before our sitch if I had done these things there would be no sitch right now to talk about.

Let her see herself out if you're tired. If you're already up, then fine, but don't follow after her like a servant. When you get up, check the doors. If they need to be locked, then lock them -- no big deal. LET HER DO MORE FOR HERSELF.

If I was not already up she would had said to me "I'm leaving for work." Just something we have ALWAYS done, let each other know we are leaving for work. I remember before our sitch sometimes I would just leave for work and not say anything, just leave, and she would call me on the phone so upset because I did not say "bye" (upset as an hurt not angry).

A: "Yes, I did, but you don't need to be snotty about it." If she persists with the snotty tone, refuse to engage with her and leave the room.

Her response: "I'm not being snotty, you are the one who has the attitude"

I am looking for all the advice I can get but do you think if I gave that response that it would just start an argument? and to me using the word "snotty" sounds juvenile and entices a negative response from her. it may also lead her to think a button had been pushed.

Why are you driving yourself nuts observing her every little action? This comes SCREAMING THRU in all of your posts, and if we notice it, I guaran-damn-tee you your wife notices it and feels like you're smothering her, judging her, and watching her every little move constantly. After you said goodbye, let her go to her car unobserved, and try not to read something negative ("more than likely throwing on her WAS mix") into everything she does when you DO observe it.

My W in her WAS state had made her so vulnerable that is so easily influenced tot he point where a song can tell her what to do. Over the past 4 months I seen her become obsessed with OM, let songs dictate her action and now it seems like she is becoming female co-worker's flunky. She is using music (one song in particular) to help her make decisions for our marriage.

I forgot to mention that W txt me when she got to work (PURSUIT ALERT)

W: it is WET out there!
Me: It is, I can her it coming down, hope your hair did not get wet because it looked great today

I was speaking in the way she styled it. If I don't compliment her surely someone else will and she may think "strangers and co-workers compliment me but not my W"

I feel deep down she wants to hear this stuff, she wants me to say as I feel but knowing her she will not give a reaction because as she would put it "I don't want you to know I am vulnerable."

That's why I ask more a more constructive way to compliment her that does not make it sound like pursuit.