usually I get up to see her out the door and lock the doors behind her. Mainly because she has trouble locking them herself.
W then just about to walk out the door and I ask "are you going to need the umbrella?" because I know where it is and I don't think she does but either way she said "huh?" and I repeated myself and she said "no"
Why does she have trouble locking the doors?
And can she not get an umbrella for herself?
This is the kind of supplicating behavior that I think is not only working, it's making things WORSE. If your wife is going to respond to you, she needs to first RESPECT you. These pursuing/placating/supplicating behaviors are KILLING respect, not building it. And since women tie their feelings of love very closely with their feelings of respect, you've got a problem.