Start of the end..

[iwantittowork]

Gardener/Bunny,

Thank you for your postings to me. They mean more than you can know..

I took G-mans advice, it is what I needed. I took a few days off, and for myself, and away from this site again.

There are times this site is just too much to follow, when are own chips are down.

I literally took myself down for a few days, and just survived day to day and moment to moment, work, a bit of play, sleep, and parked the L doc's for a few days.

I had realized I was also pressuring myself to find another woman in my life. The other night, I sat with myself, and reconciled that I just may be single for the rest of my life, and somehow found peace with that, and was OK.

I let it go, I recall that it felt good to let it go, I still don't quite know the exact 'how' of how that happened, but I remember the weight lifting, it's hard to describe, has anyone else felt like that?

At any rate, I bring this up, because into my life in the past few days comes a sexy, vivacious, interesting woman. I was interested in her, and just went way beyond myself and put myself out there in a way I have never done before, because I had always been afraid of rejection.

I had let go of any outcome, and low and behold, she has responded in such a way, that I am stunned.

Is that not a microcosm of life at times, when we well and truly let go of something, that something appears at exactly that moment?

I have no expectations, or any outcome, and just living moment to moment, as myself, and if she continues in my life that is good, and if not, that is good as well..

I have a lot of work in front of me, a lot of work on my D, well and truly moving past that to myself, and keeping my d9 at the forefront of my life is most important as well..

Take care all, I may not post as much as I used to, to get away from the pain of the past year, but just like above, I have let go of that too, so I may post more, who knows!