Never posted to you before, but I saw your post on another thread and wanted to check it out. I see you are having simalar "stuff" go on with your H. I'm glad to see that you are still talking. Mine won't talk to me. ho hum. Mine won't give an inch. ho hum. I think the more polite I am, the worse he treats me. ho hum. Thank your lucky stars, girl. And my prayers are with you.
Thanks for asking Gardener- I’m doing well. And poet, thanks for stopping by, I checked your thread out also.
Update- All’s quiet here. Waiting on attys to finish reviewing the sep agreement, and I applied for my own health insurance to get off the family policy. It sounds like it’s going to be a while before I get any help from stbx so I’m going to be on a strict budget until the settlement is completed. (He wants to do a lump sum option in lieu of monthly spousal payments. That’s fine with me, but he wants to tie the timing of it to the re-fi of the house which he’s keeping, and that can take several months.)
Proud mama moments here- just bear with me: S19 is staying with me this week; it is nice having him around. He attends a prestigious music conservatory and did well for his freshman year. He’s attending a summer class so that gives him something productive to do. The class has a keyboarding component, so he brought over an extra electronic keyboard to keep at the apt so he can practice. It’s really nice to hear him playing in the evenings. His primary instrument is Tenor Sax.
D17 got her schedule worked out for her senior year of HS- she’s doing the post-secondary option (attend college classes and get both HS and college credit for them), so she’s at the HS for half the day, and the local college satellite branch for the other half. Assuming all goes well, between the post-sec credits and her AP test scores, she should have 35 credits done before she steps foot on campus and can go in as a sophomore.
My turn- I was reading some of my old threads. The pain from last summer and fall feels so distant now, just a bad, dim memory (those first posts were almost a year ago but it feels a lot longer than that). I remember feeling like I was in my own fog back then, and it feels mostly clear in my head now. It’s such a big difference.
I think I’ve done a good job of detaching from H- I don’t think about him during the day, wondering what he’s doing or why or whatever else. I do admit the thought of being replaced in his life and the extended family causes some pain, however. That’s the last piece for me to work through. I have an IC appt tonight, and I think I’m gonna talk about that.
Bear with you? Not at all: a joy to read, along with your pleasure and pride shining through.
Originally Posted By: SpyBunny
I was reading some of my old threads. The pain from last summer and fall feels so distant now, just a bad, dim memory (those first posts were almost a year ago but it feels a lot longer than that). I remember feeling like I was in my own fog back then, and it feels mostly clear in my head now. It’s such a big difference.
Enlightening - and sobering - exercise, isn't it? Be justifiably proud of ALL your progress on every front!
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
It is so good to read your latest update. Of all the sitch's I have read, yours was incredibly hard for me to read. Watching you transform over the past year however, has been like watching a beautiful flower bloom.
This site, and more importantly the people that are on it, offering help and advice, is simply miraculous to me.
It's humbling to know that real people like you are out there, and somewhat challenging as well to know that I could walk by any one of you in my daily life and not even know it. Is it possible to be close strangers???
((((Bunny)))) Take care!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
I love all you guys too! You've been a rock for me!
I'm doing OK, nothing really new here. Stbx and I have a tentative agreement; he submitted it to his atty last Friday for her review, and that's what we're waiting on now. About a week earlier, D17 unfortunately saw me crying while talking to stbx on the phone about some of his issues with the agreement. I told him I didn't want to talk then since she was around, but he insisted. I should have been stronger about telling him "No, not now", and I will in the future.
I started seeing someone recently and that's going really nice. I haven't told the kids yet, I don't know the best way and time to do that. I'm just not sure what they (especially D17) can handle at this point, so I keep it as a generic "going out with friends"- to a movie, dinner, etc, and I get myself home at a reasonable hour (usually 10:00). And no overnights for anyone to walk in on...
D17 did start seeing an IC herself this month to help with stress. She's had a couple appts. and I have no idea what they're talking about in there. I respect her privacy, but if the IC could give us a head's up as to what's going on with her, and the best way to communicate with her (what to tell her, how much and how to tell her, etc), that would be really nice. I left the IC a voicemail to that effect, I hope she responds.
I hope everyone is doing well as can be- Hugs, Bunny
I told him I didn't want to talk then since she was around, but he insisted. I should have been stronger about telling him "No, not now", and I will in the future.
Damn straight. Enough with his insisting, controlling. He's insisted on too much for too long and you've been the one paying the price for it.Good.
I suggest taking it sloooow with seeing someone so soon (rebound). And keep your boundaries intact!
Glad your D's seeeing an IC. With confidentially constraints, I wouldn't expect her to give you any heads up/info about D. Advice on how to communicate with her, make transition easier for her, maybe, but possibly not even that. Perhaps D would be open to IC suggesting, "How about we get your Mom in here for one session?"
(((Hugs)))
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
Not much new here, this is just a quick update. I haven't been longing in and posting on my friends threads, but I am following along and keeping everybody in my thoughts.
Stbx and I have a tentative agreement and we're still waiting to hear back from his atty- she said she a few comments about it. (He sent it to her over two weeks ago- I thought we would have had the paperwork filed at the court by now, not waiting around still)
The kids are doing fine. D17's IC did call me back the following day and said I was on the right track with her. (Letting her know what's going on without TMI and nasty surprises.) She will call me and STBX in for a session with D17 fairly soon. I'm hoping those will be separate appointments!
I had a couple of calls and texts from my in-laws checking up on me during the last week, which was really nice. I still have a hard time with the idea of being replaced in the family, I was close to them and loved them dearly. I wish I heard from my own family as often. (Although Mom did tell me that my Italian grandmother made a comment recently about wishing her brothers were around and STBX's knees. (Her brothers have all passed away, so his knees are safe. ))
I'm looking forward to having all this wrapped up and done. I hope I can post soon that paperwork is filed and we're moving along. Even when I'm not posting much, please know that I'm reading along and keeping up with everyone!
