What to Do Next

[newmama]

So you have been getting along nicely. You are trying to meet her needs of conversation. It has been 6 months since DDay and you exposed the A to OM's wife.

Yet your W is still in contact with OM. Gee, I wonder if OM's wife knows this! Seriously, he could have just gone underground and led his wife to think it has ended.(my WH did that to me for a couple of months last year)

I think it's worth it to expose to her again- to let her know it is still going on. Don't tell your W; just do it.


On the outside looking in, if you move out (AGAIN) your W will probably just think "there he goes again. He'll be back." since you have done it 2x before.

She knows that you know she is still in contact and you are still with her. She tries to threaten you to not D because of this and that, and how it would look to others...not possibly because she wants to stay married to you? Come on, ..she doesn't want a D!!

doesn't want to D his wife because POSOM wants to stay married for the children...how convenient!

so you don't really have a threat, here. You can do whatever you want (within reason) and your W will flip out, get angry, try to blame you but the OM will never be "hers!" (sorry for the phrasing)

Their A doesn't have a future! How long could it last in the real world?

Have you seen Puppy's description of "melty man?" don't be that way.

Know what you want. BE FIRM. You want her to end the A and no contact with OM, be fully transparent, send a no contact letter to OM, go to IC and resume MC once it is clear that no contact has been in place for at least a month.



Oh and MC is useless if she doesn't end the A (her fogged up mind won't let her sincerely address the issues).

So next step is to expose again to OMW (in my opinion).
Then tell your W what you need from her (do not tell her you exposed).
And then you can look into legal separation and do the dark/Plan B option. If Allen gets to this thread, he had a great letter from Penny Tuppy that could work. This time, if you move out, you give the letter first and the legal separation papers. She will know you are seroius!

OK so this is just a draft of an idea--none of us really know what to do but we do know that if you don't do anything that will only make things worse.