I actually took a bit of time to read your entire situation (both threads posted in your signature, not sure if there is more or not?).
What I mean by "being the kind of woman you want" is not to say you need to change your character. I just wanted to express to you the importance of reinventing yourself for you and not what you think your H would like.
Like you said earlier tonight you thought you might tell H you were going on a date (please pardon me if that was not you and I am mixing up threads, I have been working for like 16 hours!). If you really do have a date then GREAT (rock on!) but if you are saying it to get a reaction from your H then you might want to think over the plan. You don't seem like a manipulative person so why start now?
I also agree that dramatic exchanges littered with conflict and BS are not healthy, appropriate or ladylike and I never endorse them. I think it is very possible to be strong AND ladylike at the same time. I understand you are strong, hell you have to be to go through a pregnancy, birth AND a separation/affair alone. I just mean be strong for you and make the decision not to "wait and see anymore" about your H because as a woman you deserve better. It is well established you are the better option as a friend, mother and life partner for your H. We all see it but your H does not.
In your first thread you said you delivered ultimatums to your H and he reluctantly came back. Clearly asking him to make a choice did not work. So you did a 180 and went the other way to show him you are the better option. That has not worked either. In both case scenarios you gave your H all the power. It is time for you to take back your personal power.
I understand why you did what you did... having your H over to lessen the time he spent with OW but that didn't really work though as now they live together. I understand you wanting your H to bond with your son but sadly, no matter how much you may want that your H chose something else. He chose to bond with his son "part time" so he could have OW. He did not choose to bond with his son full time so he could have a family. IMO that is not a "good guy".
Your H is a good father because YOU have provided the foundation for that. Aren't you tired of carrying the whole load?
I understand legally your may not be able to keep OW from your son but I see no problem with having a frank discussion with your H about it. The law might say one thing but that doesn't mean you can't ask for something different between you and your H.
When I said some of your actions are "meek and fearful" I didn't mean to imply you were a shrinking violet sitting in the corner. I guess what I mean is you seem afraid to be less accommodating to your H because you worry for your son. That is understandable but YOU are a GREAT AND FULL TIME PARENT. Your H has chosen something else. You should not ever protect your son from that no matter what his age is.
I can't even begin to fathom what it takes to be pregnant and be a single mom while going through this BS with separation and affairs. For that you have my full praise and respect.
Lastly, what I meant about giving your H and OW a good taste of what life will look like if you divorce I don't mean you should start bugging them. I mean you should not accommodate ANYTHING in THEIR lives when it comes to your son.
If your H lives with OW it's funny how your H has NO PROBLEM being around "full time" for OW's child but not his own. IMO that speaks volumes.
I sort of get the vibe you think I am always looking for the negative. I always have hope (what do we have without it) but I also tend to look at the realities of the situation.
Your H may respect you as a mother (and he should!) but like you said, he hasn't even come forward and told you he is living with OW even though you know he is. Clearly he does not respect you as a woman if he can't even tell you where he lives. And don't buy that BS that he is not telling you so you don't get more hurt. He is not telling you because he doesn't want to deal with his own actions.
Personally I would like to use all 5 foot 3 inches of myself to kick your husband right in the face. I think he is being a selfish fool. I worry because IMO it seems to me you are ALLOWING him to be a selfish fool with you. Let him go be a selfish fool with OW but stop it now with you. I don't doubt you will find a classy yet firm way to do that.
