So he hasn't come to pick up the papers. Today I took them and tucked them back into a hiding spot. He hasn't even come to get the rest of his mail, think he doesn't want to face the papers. I know he is thinking If he takes them, he's an ass, and if he doesn't take them I take it the wrong way. So I am getting rid of them.
H text a few times. We decided (yes, again) that we need to focus on the baby and baby only. You girls reminded me with your posts above that change can not be made overnight. And that right now its not about me.
I need to regain stregnth and not make this about my R with H, but rather someone helping with baby. So I'm giving it another go. I'm going to try and get strong enough that I will not let others opinions affect whatever facockatoo relationship this is we have going. Even if its a permanent one. H stated how he wants to be in my life and especially baby's. So I'm taking the tiniest baby steps. I am drawing boundaries such that what we do is baby related only. Even if I want to badly for H to call or pop over and hang out, will be sure to make it only about the baby. H will need to work really hard to be in my life for me. Clearly right now he has no intentions.
Tonight a few close friends and sisters and mom got together for a "sprinkle"... Not a baby shower, but rather a sprinkle... Small intimate gathering, just girls, and yummy foods, and lots of baby gifts. I was spoiled! It didn't hit me until I saw the diapers that yes, this was all for my baby! Wow!
H said he wants to come to birth classes this week, and wants to come over and see all the great goodies, and start tackling the car seat and putting the baby stuff together. I need a master plan and need to learn control. My new focus will be on making me happy, accepting happiness and not worrying about anything else.
