still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

Don't file to get him to budge! File b/c it is what YOU WANT!

Oops- I knew that would come out wrong! Here is the thing: I would not file just for that reason! Do I want to be divorced? No. Do I want to be in this situation for much longer? No. Do I want the man that my husband is being? No. I want my old husband. SOOO I have accepted that I would be divorcing this warped man and not the man I married.

However the drastic actions are the ones I haven't tried yet. So if I were to do all of those things BEFORE I filed for D, then I truly would feel like I tried it all! Boy am I going to be SCARED though. BUt I am not going to hash it all out now...will wait closer to the date or at my therapist appointment on the 16th.

OK so now I must go back to living in the present if thoughts of WH come up. I will stare at the flowers on my deck, or if S is with me, focus on his beautiful little face and babbles,etc. Or watch TV- not kidding- my mind wanders less when watching a good show versus reading a book where I have to go back and re-read the same few sentences over and over!!!

WN thanks for sticking with me!! Oh and about moving- I would love to move to the next city. What sucks is that it is closer to where OW lives so it would make it more convenient for WH. I would be moving for me though, not him. And next year.