Comes over yesterday for a few hours in the evening. We bathe child, change her- all going well, I am being nice and friendly. Then he starts up the 'talk' again. So I say, "listen, I want you to know, I may be being friendly and civil to you, but I strongly dissaprove of everything you are doing in your life'. He nods. Then he says, "I am grateful for how welcoming you have been to me, and for calling me to the hospital when she was born. It was very big of you'. Okay..fine. Then deteriorates (can't remember how - not important).
What he goes on to tell me: WH came back to the country 6 months ago to tell me about the A and his wishes to move on. WH came back to "build the foundations for a future" - not a future with ME. But a future with his child, which would have to go VIA me. That he wants 'to live a life without me' or 'wants me out of his life', something like that.
Nice.
I have decided to put my wishes/cards on the table for him. I am not trying to save my M anymore, girls. I am trying to save my respect for him.
I have told him up until now it's all been about HIM. That now I need him to give and concede on some things at least if he wants that 'foundation' to work. I need someone/something to negotiate with, not just agree to his terms. It's been only HIS terms for 9 months.
So my wish list:
+ I would like him to comit to staying here for an initial period of time (6months?) to bond with his baby, and to support/assist me where possible in parenting, and demonstrate his comitment to being in her life.
+ some sort of separation therapy/forum in which we can process/manage the dysfunction/dissolution of our M.
+ want him to support my citizenship application which will require us drawing up our own financial support contract rather than going through govt agencies who are not to know of the separation.
+ I want our apartment.
Just sharing....
I know that when WAS is in full walk-away mode you can't ask for anything. But stuff it, there's a newborn child involved. And I reckon you need a slightly altered set of DBing rules when that's involved.
