Cake-eating is a really gray area. Because it seems that in true detachment, you WOULD act as you do-- pleasant and reserved. Because that's what you would do with anybody.
At the same time, that doesn't give him 'consequences' from you, I suppose. It would be worse for him if you were a b*tch every time he came by. But it wouldn't change his behavior. At least not in my opinion. You might feel like you were doing something, but I don't really think you would be. You would just be revealing your hurt.
To me, the best way in thinking of "how to act" is act like you were already remarried.
Because someday you may be! Maybe even with that one guy from last night-- NOT the 51 year old. I can't believe he patted your butt, that's actually really WRONG.
Now, all that said, I have to say that I do regret being friendly with my WH last week when he came over. Sort of. I have the feeling now of letting out all my frustrations to his face. (Even though I've done it before.) But that really just shows less detachment. So I can be okay with how it went. But I am going to avoid WH as much as I can after the baby is born by using his family! That is my middle-ground for now.
Well, now, let me ask. Imagine you are remarried and totally head over heels for your new H. Maybe you even have a new baby on the way. How would you want S's visitation to go? Would you still have WH come over and all of that?
