still separated, headed for D?

[newmama]

Hi, CG, I know you aren't intending to sound ugly- I am familiar with your tough love style and helpful support on lots of threads!

You are correct in observing that my WH seems to limit interactions to mother-father stuff. But I believe I have been doing the same on my end! Oh sure, he will tell me about how he is sick or the weather or something little like that.

So when you say he has zero consequences for his behavior are you saying that because I haven't divorced him?

I did pull away the option of letting him see S over here at the house, which means he doesn't have access to getting to hang out, share observations of S with me, share other conversation, eat meals that I cooked, be in his house....I don't know what else he really got out of being here.

I mean at this point I don't see what more I can do for consequences...

You as the stable and great mom who is pleasant to her spouse

So he is getting a stable and great mom (THANK YOU for thinking that btw!) to his son...and the other thing I am giving him is acting pleasant.

and he has the OW who gets all the romance, fun, sex and intimate attention.

Ok, just to debate this in order to really understand better, I see NO WAY that I am filling ANY of the needs he gets from OW at this time. Acting pleasant (like I would to my neighbor)hardly compares to the list of needs that OW is filling for him! Seriously, is the reason why he hasn't divorced me yet because I am acting pleasant when he meet for 2-5 minutes to drop off and exchange S?

A total of 14-30 minutes maximum each week? Like if I were to remove the pleasant interaction then he would dump OW and come back to me?

I just have some core things that I refuse to budge on about who I am and being polite is not something I planned to change if we divorced.

I also refuse to give him any physical touch or affection or LM while he is with OW--something others have suggested to me in the past!

When you say he needs to start seeing what it would be like if we were legally divorce, he IS seeing it (since 4/28).

we follow the parenting plan
he pays money
he picks up and drops off S
we don't communicate unless it as about S
we don't live together


so what else does a divorced scenario look like? I mean I would be dating eventually. That's the only difference.

Again, I realize it sounds defensive but sincerely I want to understand.

I would remove myself from that equation (and yes, I had to do that as well with my H). Recently my H has been contacting me (we virtually have no contact) quite often with very nostalgic and loving messages.

I will go back and read your thread! For some reason I thought you divorced.

But, I do know from experience that it is 10000x easier to go NC without kids. When I went NC last year for the final trimester of my pregnancy, I was flawless at it! (I did see him 3 times as planned but other than that NOTHING!!!!)

I am just feeling close to the end, so to speak. Either the end of the A or the end of our marriage. I am in the final leg of the race. So at this point, I am betting money that OW is going to bug him more and more about why he hasn't divorced me yet. I am not bringing up a word about it until S' birthday.
I am betting OW will be getting nasty by then.

you can definitely argue/debate with me! Please do!