what a rough day...sorry to hear about it. you're a great dad and don't lose hope! i'm not a legal expert but i have a feeling this isn't the done deal?
keep the faith alive...you've been so strong so far and i am confident you will shine through this too.
Eric, forgive me, I did not remember that you were working with lawyers.
I think that now that you have asked your wife the question more than once, and she gave you an answer, you must decide what you have to do legally.
But to keep asking is going down a cheeseless tunnel with someone whose cuckoo has to go back in the clock, ya know?
You keep asking hoping for a different answer. She keeps getting to you and has control. And round and round you go.
So, you do what you must, but, try real hard not to engage with her unless absolutely necessary. You don't need to use words to show her what kind of man you are, what kind of father you are, just live it.
I am sorry that this is starting to affect your daughter. Have you spoken with a therapist about how to handle it? There is a good book, I think it's called, How to talk to your children about divorce. I could check the name, but, it breaks it down by age.
Hang in there, my friend. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but, you will come out of this stronger than you ever were before.
Keep enjoying those children, working on you, and moving forward on your journey.
We talked last night and you questioned yourself and some of the things you said to your W in the midst of the R talk.
You know what I told you, and I will agree with Mach, not all R talk is bad and sometimes things just have to be said.
They custody thing, you know I told you, no verbal agreement would work. I told you you need it to be signed by a judge. To protect you and the kids, and yes, even your W.
But I did not address why you keep doing this dance with her. Or why you need to stop it.
You want to agree, because that will keep you from looking like the big bad wolf. You want her to agree with you because it is less risky than letting the courts decide.
You are afraid to fight for what you know is fair and right, because of how you might look.
You are afraid to fight because you might lose.
You need to let go of the fear, and figure out for you what is the right thing to do. And stop looking to your W for those answers.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Pick me, pick me (hand waving in the air). I was the queen of fear. Still can be at times. I was like that my whole life. Fear held me back, it kept me stuck, it chewed me up.
These are scary things happening for you right now. But most of it is out of your hands. Now, the thing about the custody. Cat's right (as usual) you have to get that in writing. What you are willing to live with in terms of the rest of the agreement, also, somewhat in your hands. The rest, well, not much you can do about it.
But what you can do is figure out how you are going to act, how you are going to react.
If you let fear guide you, you run the high risk of hurting yourself and others. But, if you come from a place of calm, of peace, and you do what is the best thing, the right thing regardless of whether or not your wife will get mad, now you're onto something.
Here's what I've learned about fear. When you are living in a fearful state, you life is about the circumstances. When it is about that, you will fight, resist, hang on and withdraw. You create opposition and resistance against yourself.
But, if you just let go of your expectations about how life should be and embrace how it is, the fear starts to go away.
I know that this is tough stuff. Really tough. Just try to make the best decisions, do the best you can for you and your kids. Let God handle the rest.
Someone once said to me, fear is the absence of faith or faith is the absence of fear. I'm not sure which. I don't think it matters.
Thank you for you words of encouragement. I very much appreciate it. I want to apologize for the use of BUTS in the following post….
Although I am in a dark place right I know I will survive. I know that the circle that is life, changes, evolves, moves, grows and I must learn to face it. Face it as the new man!
This is ME! A man with scares, a man that now STANDS and screams ….I HURT, I made mistakes….BUT I AM A MAN. I know stand for ME! Call it selfish, call it what you like. I am ME!
I must face the fears. The fear of the potential loss of my children, the fear of being alone, the fear of “can I support myself when this done – let alone my children”, I must let go of this fear. I must give up the control that every fiber of my being wants to hold on to. Hold on…yes…hold on. Have we really given much thought to the words hold on. I ask myself this. I question holding on. I now realize that true and unconditional love is the ability to let go. Let go in love. Just let go. To my Wife – I have and always will love you. You will realize this one day I pray. You cannot see me – I know. I understand. I understand enough to let you go. GO find your happiness. GO become the women that you believe you should be. GO. I ask one thing….Please do not take my babies…We both made mistakes. We both said and did hurtful things. BUT remember this….TRUE LOVE CONQUERS ALL! Love does not a marriage make. Commitment, patience, understanding, kindness, and communication – these are all the ingredients that make the meal of marriage. We were young and stupid – BUT we had LOVE. I am sorry that you felt I did not love. Actions speak louder than words. MY actions are to let you go. Let you be. No matter what you do…no matter what you say – I my love WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU! I may get angry BUT you will never know. My anger is MY issue. I may be sad, I may feel alone on some days….BUT I WILL SURVIVE. I choose to 1) Always love you 2) to be a survivor and NOT a victim and 3) to love myself and my kids the best way I know how.
Right now I sit here on my patio watching my kids in the pool. My oldest and his friends are sliding on the slip and slide that they created using the pool cover. It pains me to think that I may not be able to enjoy this scene. It hurts me. BUT I will survive. I may not be sitting in my patio with them in the future BUT they will always be in my heart. I will survive. The real me is out…the real me. NO mask – what you see is what you get.
I think of the days that we were a family; I think of our family vacation last year, I think what they will think of Dad. Will they understand? How will my little girl (F-it her name is Victoria! – if I get banned for this so be it!) think? How will she feel? I hurt and then I realize that we ALL will survive.
What is right? What is wrong? Do I move on? I am afraid BUT I can say it. I can feel it and I WILL SURVIVE.
Over these past 8 months I have been up…I have been down…I have met some great people who have inspired me, pushed me, and made me better. Thank you all.
My w….I love you…happy anniversary honey….YOU and I are FREE!
I am free to live life…. I am free to be the man I want to be I am free to grow…. I am free to fail if I so choose to…. I am free…
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Please don't apologize again for making me cry, but I did...your post touched me in the deepest way. Your honesty, the depth of your feelings, the love, the pain.....I feel you
With a soul like yours I KNOW that you will be OK.
You are a good man Eric...don't you ever doubt it.
Thinking of you
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Sweetie, I know the thought of not being with your children everyday is breaking your heart. I'm so sorry.
But, try, if you can to take this one day at a time. Do the best you can each day. Don't try to think too far ahead. No one knows what the future will bring.
Your daughter knows you love her. You're her daddy. Your kids know who you are, my friend. They do. And they are watching now. Show them how to get through a hard time with dignity, strength and honor. That is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.
You are a good man, Eric, with a huge heart. I pray that you will find peace.
