Yes, I did the big no-no and quit cold turkey. I wanted to see if the dizziness would go away. Well I took one yesterday, and one today, then i took an ativan. I go to see the neurologist again on Thursday so I will tell her my suspicions and see if there is anything to do about it, b/c apparently, i need to be on a-d's. I've gone back and forth several times.

I'm doing some back-sliding these days:
I'm having some hostile feelings toward h, thinking "he's not what I want, he's not contributing to our r in this or that way, he's not going to change, etc." However, he did say that he WILL work on his indecisiveness. And he has told me on numerous occassions that I will get what I want (emo's, words, romance) sometime AFTER he gets what he wants and I am consistent, and our r is on a steady path.

Yes, yes, ME=IMPATIENT!

I just feel so tired of acting as if, but the last few weeks, it was definitely more genuine and i didn't have to act as much. As far as having a PMA all around, I'm flailing. My work sitch is yucky, and my finances are in a mess, etc.)

I apologized to h for being crabby on fri. and he said he didn't notice. (I've done this a couple times-I must be doing well sometimes at acting as if!)

Sun. I told him I was feeling "beside myself" all weekend. He asked why and I told him about the med. sitch. He didn't say much. I asked if he was afraid that I would "attack" him and he said that he is taking things as they come, that he can't control me... This is GOOD b/c before he used to EXPECT me to lambast him and he would raise the walls before giving me a chance to not lambast him. Then I would get upset at him for closing off, etc., etc. So, things are DEFINITELY improving.

I plan on cooking a wonderful meal this eve. and trying to get back to my self.

k