Hi All,
thanks for the !!!'s & 's!

Well, the weekends are tough for me...I usually have more expectations. Last night I left work feeling pretty crabby, then I had to get gas and had a very trying sitch. at the gas station. I remained calm, got home, just wanted to chill for a while. For the first time I felt like h was "getting on my nerves." (I know I am responsible for my own feelings.) He wanted to know what we were doing (wanted me to come up with ideas), then I went to lay down and was looking at a coupon book for restaurant ideas. He comes in and asks what I am doing. I ask what does it look like? I ask him to snuggle me and fall asleep for a few min. then he gets a phone call, comes back, "what do you want to eat? are you gonna stay in bed all night?" we decied to have a low key eve. by going out to eat and renting a movie. we and then get ready to go out. Dinner was fine, but i feel some jealousy when a cute server is in the room.

I've been really tired this week. probably b/c i quit taking stuff with pseudophedrine which was keeping me awake, and I've been eating a lot of sugar and more caffeine than usual. I just haven't had the energy to do housework and to even really relate to h that much.

it's sat. morn, i feel uncomfortable. i told him that i could not get any time off over xmas, and he asked to talk about the vaca. sitch. last night while we were out. he said that this was a good opportunity for him to have 6 days off in a row and that he still has one more vaca day to use before the end of feb. that we could do something. ((he is off sun, tues, and wed, and I have plenty of vaca-just can't take it xmas week) i tell him to take the opportunity (b/c that is what he is looking like he wants to do) but i feel ??? something. -can't put my finger on it. like, why did he ask what my opinion was if he had made up his mind anyway?

this morn. he got up early and sat and watched tv. i wanted him to want to be with me... I'm starting to feel all this clinginess and I know that it is a bad thing. I end up feeling insecure and empty.

We didn't decide what we are doing tonight, and I'm sure I'll have to be the one to say "how about x, y, or z?" I don't feel like I should complain about him not thinking of ideas b/c he has been doing much more housework than I have been, so if I say, "you're not doing this," he could say, "well, you're not doing this..." I like to think of different and new things to do-like more adventurous...like I would like to go to Cleveland more often but that's about 40-50 min. away and he uses the excuse that he doesn't want to go that far away from home. We do the same old same old-go out to eat, see bands...I mean, I like to eat and I like to see bands, what's the prob? I guess I want more *romance* than I am getting right now. I want him to compliment me and say mushy things...I want to be excited and surprised...

**But I know that by virtue of my feeling this pit, things won't turn out the way I would like. H will feel the vibes and feel put off, etc. How do I shake it??

thanks, karen