I burned that for her with MY inability to do what she needed and asked me to do, that I said I could and would do and even did for awhile before slacking off. Thats the truth and I have to live with it.
AND you should be telling her that SHE burned it for YOU too.
You can't see that YOU are chasing her even though she is the one saying she has no trust in you? YOU are the one trying to prove that you can be trusted.
So the reality here is that the one who isn't trusting the other person is the one being chased. You don't see that? The one chasing is the one NOT trusted. The one being chased is the one who doesn't trust. So the reality to me is that what SHE is doing is the thing that is working. Not vice versa. She is getting you to chase her. I will tell you. She KNOWS that you are justified by not trusting her. She secretly should EXPECT that you shouldn't trust her. It wouldn't hurt you one bit by telling her you don't trust her and standing strong on that belief. She wants trut from you then she should earn it by moving out on her own. She knows she has you chasing and she knows that she is doing the very thing that she wouldn't in any way want YOU to do. Go ahead, get another woman to move in with you and do the same thing and see what she says. Try it. I would venture to say that it would be you that would say. "I won't do that because I don't want her to think that I have someone else." Then bring another woman to sit with you at the concert.
Now THAT was ALOT clearer gucci, thanks. Yes I have told her I don't trust her, and she has acknowledged and validated that. As for telling her to move out as "proof" that's simply not an option. She doesn't make enough to have a place of her own, pay the bills , take care of the kids, etc. She has no nearby family that has room, etc. Which is why the current arrangement is convenient and comfortable for her. She doesn't have to worry about having a roof over her head. I understand her motivations for this, at least on a large level, maybe not the entire picture but a significant portion of it.
In fact thats one of my biggest concerns. His place is free and clear except for taxes and utilities. There is NO way I can support all four of us by myself, I just dont make enough, and living in one of the most expensive States in the Country, with the highest property taxes makes it almost impossible.
My Dad and Step mother make over 100k a year clear and THEY are struggling. I dont make even half that amount.
I KNOW she has a VERY unrealistic idea of what it takes financially to raise a family, from her own words. We had been planning to move one State over, where housing is much more affordable and we would only be an hour or so away from relatives, but she announced yesterday that she WILL NOT leave the State, even if it means she will never be able to own a house, either on her own, with him , someone else , or us. Thats something she's talked about wanting for YEARS. Now, that maybe just her emotions talking right now or it may be how she really feels.
All I know is I cant possibly offer her a place to live thats decent, that she wouldnt have to go to work to help pay for, I just cant. I asked her yesterday if she resented having to work and she admitted " sometimes" I know she feels like she's missing everything with our son since she was working so much the last few months and he's growing like a weed.
Raising our kids myself would be a HUGE load for me by myself also, but I have the income to do it ( barely ). Thats one of the things thats making this so hard. I genuinely feel the kids would be better off with me as primary, plus the added benefit that it would naturally trigger her desire to be around us more.
But she's already admitted that my filing for custody triggered flashbacks for her of losing her first two kids that she had with him. And that will only stoke fierce resentment towards me ( she didnt say the words but I know how she would take it ) and the last thing I need right now is for her to be feeling even MORE angry towards me, especially after the tiny crack in the wall that appeared yesterday, however briefly.
