She Say's She Want's Out Of The Marriage

[tbart01]

well she came home last Monday and completely brought the vibe down. I did fall pretty bad while i was wakeboarding and ended up with a concussion and whiplash. she came in heard I was hurt, and asked if anything happened to the girls. She didn't come in and say hi how are you or anything, and then went straight into tearing into me over finances.

I was already starting to feel detachment as I explained earlier, so this obviously didn't help things. She went through her rant and after awhile we went outside and talked.

Keep in mind she had been staying at the rental all weekend and it's been just me and the girls. The weekend was very fun and peaceful. I obviously wasn't to thrilled with the behavior she was exhibiting.

We went outside and talked and I let her know what i had been thinking since I've moved. I let her know that I was starting to not care how this ended. If we stay together that's great, but if we don't I'm fine with that also.

I told her that for the first time I could actually see my life without her. I let her know that i knew i would live a long and happy life if this didn't work out, and that I thought she would one day regret it.

I told her that I was done being treated like crap by her and that i didn't deserve the way she was treating me because I wasn't treating her that way.

She sat there and listened to me while she cried, and she said she didn't want to miss out on an opportunity (meaning me). However, she still didn't know what she wanted to do.

As I was leaving to go back to where i was staying she grabbed me and hugged me. she cried while she was hugging me and said she was sorry for not knowing what she wanted. i told her she needed to figure it out.

the next day i started receiving emails from her at work. she was telling me how sorry she was for treating me the way she does. She said that the way she's been treating me is one of the reasons she's wanted divorce. she also want's me to come to the house Saturday so we can talk about things. She says we can talk while she cleans so she can use the chemicals as an excuse for her crying.

She sent me another email saying she wanted to get together with me Friday for a date. she wanted to come up to my place bring some food and watch a movie. she's also been nice to me all week, and has initiated a hug everytime I've left.

She came by my place yesterday for our date night. It was nice, nothing spectacular. We ate, played cards, chatted for a bit and then she left. I would have liked more, but at this point don't expect anything. I guess Friday's are going to be our regular date night now.

I'd like to be excited about these date nights, but it's like going out with a friend. now I'm getting ready to go down to the house and do laundry and have our talk.

I'm just tired of this roller coaster ride. just as I'm starting to detach she sucks me back in. However, unlike times in the past I have no expectations. I just don't how to feel about this anymore, nor do I know how long I can do this.

My C asked me the other night how do I know when to give up, and I really don't know the answer. I told the MC that I was frustrated and just wanted to throw my arms up and give up. I told my W she was giving me nothing to hang on to. That's when the hugging and stuff started to happen.

i just don't want her to keep making me feel like I'm just a friend, even though that's basically all I am. i know I deserve better than this, and right now she's not making me happy. I almost feel uncomfortable around her. Things seem more forced than natural.