Now I realize that it is on her and I've told her that she will own any negative consequences if we do separate or D.
Can you afford your house payments/rent alone right now? I don't know how much that matters though.
My thinking is that an A or EA is terribly disrespectful to you, your kids and your M.
You have to decide what is right for you, but nobody would blame you if you said "I will not live in an open marriage, so either you commit to NC with OM, or you move out because I will not expose my family to this reckless behavior".
In short, if she doesn't drop OM, I can see telling her to go and focusing on protecting yourself and your kids from this wayward behavior.
But that is something for you to decide because you have to live with the consequences if she chooses the A over her own family.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
