OK. So, I'm staying at a friends house. A guy I met on my last visit. Army guy...going through the same stuff. Nice guy...letting me stay at his house. That's all she really needs to know. That takes the threat of "another woman" out of the equation but also lets her know I'm not sitting around twiddling my thumbs when I am up there.
Forrest..your last comment was spot on. I have taken something for granted. I've admitted that many times both in and out of counseling. What I'm saying is that if we are moving forward together then we need to talk about how that is going to happen. If we can't or don't have that discussion then we're both planning in the blind.
Today is going to be a tough day. We've got our son's b-day party and then he will stay at her hotel tonight and they'll go back to New England early tomorrow morning. I'm going to miss him so much!! These last couple of months with him have been really wonderful and now that's all about to change. It's going to break my heart! This will be the new dynamic..either for the next 2 years or for the rest of my life. Either way, it's going to be painful.
I need some reassurances about how we are moving forward. This is a point where I feel very vulnerable. I'm essentially giving her primary custody without a fight but I'm doing it in an effort to keep our marriage together. We aren't divorced, we aren't legally separated....we're just living apart. So, I see this as an agreement/arrangement that a husband and wife have made. Again, we've gone from "I'm desperate to sever this relationship" to "I'm not in a hurry to end this" so I don't know what the heck is going on with her. I'd just like to know that we're working toward a common goal. But that might be asking too much..putting too much pressure on her. Probably will even seem needy/clingy, etc.
Today is just going to plain ol' suck...I'll put a smile on and make it look like fun but inside I'll be hurting.
