I have a bit of a new problem. XH stopped by to pick up the Tween tonight. Apparently while going through his mother's things, he found pictures of our wedding from 20 years ago.
Just a little history, I was the WAS after ten years of marriage. It was not a decision I made lightly. We had been in counseling. There was a year separation while he was in Korea. We had separated and reconciled several times. All we did was fight all the time. I felt as if he wanted to keep me in a cage. He controlled the money, the bills, the grocery shopping, the car, everything.
While he was gone in Korea, I found my footing. I got a job, enrolled in school, and when he got back, although we attempted to pick up the pieces, I knew it was just enough.
Now, that is not to say it was all his fault. I think at some point I just gave up. I began to realize it was easier to just agree with him rather than argue, and once he was gone, it was easier to just end the marriage. He did not want to end it. I was the one who actually did it.
I have tried several times over the past ten years to maintain a good working relationship with him, at points to the detriment of my own personal life. Even w/ the SG, sometimes XH's work schedule would cause problems because we could never plan anything.
Now, that all being said,he comes over to pick up the Tween, and pulls out these pictures to "try to make me feel better." And then proceeds to remind me of a particularly brutal argument we had about 12 years ago. And THEN proceeds to tell me that I am the only woman he has ever been attracted to.
This has frankly left me in a very uncomfortable position. I know that because of the events I have dealt with, not only in the past year and a half, but particularly in the past week, I am vulnerable emotionally. I don't want to reconcile w/ XH. But now I feel this increasing sense of guilty because I know how much I hurt, and here is this guy who is still stuck in a marriage that ended ten years ago. It has left me feeling very uncomfortable.
I tried to be supportive b/c his mother died. If I try to attempt to be cordial with him for the sake of the Tween, he seems to take it as some mystical sign. I don't want to be a bitch to him, but that seems to be the only time he gets the fact that I don't want to be with him.
I have tried explaining to him that I don't love him. Although we tried very hard, ultimately the marriage ended. I thought, just for a moment, what it would be like to be back with him tonight. I could see it again, being where I was ten years ago, fighting like hell to reclaim my own identity and figure out why someone who "loved" me so much could try to control my every move. And now, I find him beginning to try to do it again.
Can I please get some opinions on how to stop him without resorting to becoming superbitch again?
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
