But as odd as it may seem, and Im NOT even saying I believe it myself fully , but there IS the possibility that it really IS a platonic thing. She's ALWAYS had more guy friends then girls. And I mean that sincerely, I know its outside the "norm" but there is something to it. She never liked the catty gossipy types of reltionships popular amongst many female/female relationships , even ones that are friendly.
SOTR ~ even Lesbians don't have more guy friends than girls. Lift your head out of the sand, my friend. All the women I have ever known who have more guy friends than girls are ... FLIRTS (at least).
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I've already made peace in my mind with the idea that they MAY already have, or MAY at some point in the future " do it" but again , I cant do squat about it. I learned from DR that the affair is NOT the problem but a symptom. I can live with that. We have almost 14 years of history together, they have ONE bad one.
But how on God's green earth are you making PEACE with it??
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Like I said, it sounded and felt sincere when she blurted out that she doesn't have everything she wants, cause she doesn't have ME. This was confirmed as sounding very genuine by our neighbor counselor.
And the Oscar goes to.... Plenty of people have SAID things that make others FEEL a certain way.
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I know what Im saying sounds foolish, I really do
And yet you persist.
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. But this is not a "normal" person , that does or thinks things in the more common and predictable ways of this type of situation.
She's unique ~~~ just like everyone else.
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I have to go with the observations of a trained third party
Who is saying EXACTLY what you want to believe, even though, as you YOURSELF admit, is so hard to reconcile. Greek
Sorry Greek , but I have lived with the relationship for 14 years. I don't know what else to say. There are plenty of guys that she's had friendships with that were NEVER ANYTHING more then strictly that, NOT EA's , NOT PA's . JUST FRIENDS. I'm not asking anyone to believe it. But I LIVED IT and KNOW that's the reality.
Im making peace with it because of what I read in DR. Because I understand that any affair is a symptom, NOT a cause, and there's NOTHING I can do about it right now. I know of another couple that survived TWO affairs and twenty seven years later have one of the strongest marriages around. It DOES happen.
YES it is possible that she is a sociopath and this is all an act. What I don't understand is the discounting of a trained counselor, with a degree in psychology and her opinion of what she observed today AND what the WAW has related to her separately.
Of course she's unique. What your not grasping is that due to her childhood , and several other factors , she doesn't process, handle or deal with things in the way more normally " well adjusted " WAS do or behave. There is also still an as of yet unexplored component of post par tum depression or other chemical imbalance.
Of course its hard to reconcile. Mixed signals always are. Trying to separate and interpret everything is confusing.
I know and appreciate that most of you guys and gals are trying to help, by not letting myself be treated like a doormat or something , just like many of my real life friends are with their well meaning advice. And for that Im extremely grateful. And I DO consider everyones counsel and advice. But the fact is that there are things I KNOW, that are simply to complex and would take a multi page thread to explain.
What I DO KNOW is that, I dont give a damn ( well I do in a way of course) if their being intimate or not. I can get past that if in the end we are able to reconcile.
What I DO KNOW is IF they are, theres NOTHING I can do about it.
What I DO KNOW is if I constantly bring it up or talk about it, it sends a signal to her that I dont trust her. And not only is that the foundation and starting point of ANY relationship, it will drive her further away.
In the end, maybe I will get burned. But that's a risk I'm willing to take while working on trying to repair things. If nothing else, I will be able to look my self in the mirror and my children in the eyes and know I did EVERYTHING humanely possible to repair things.
I mean no disrespect, but it seems like some people are just so cynical that everything Im relating is scoffed at as me deluding myself. As if ALL women act in totally predictable ways in ALL situations, when the fact is Im looking at things with both eyes wide open and trying to read the proverbial tea leaves for clues. And as of today the clues are at worst conflicting and at best are signs that things really arent over for us. A LONG road back ? Sure thats obvious. But hardly terminal, at least not now. Could that change at almost anytime ? Of course it could. But as long as the clues are there that there's still a chance, then Im still going to fight for it.
