Looking for help with WAW

[mza8]

I don't exactly know how else to look into this other than to hire a PI? Any suggestions? I'm all ears. I think Puppy might have some suggestions on this subject. I'm on the alt if that's a better place to discuss this. I can tell you how to find me. I want to get to the bottom of this once and for all if this is indeed happening.

I am going to meet with two mutual friends next week and hope they will be honest with me if they know something. Should I tell my W that I suspect their is OM? Try to get her to admit it? I can be pretty persuasive to her. Should I confront her family and tell them I suspect this? See if I can get them to admit it? One of them might slip up and give me the info. I'm not sure how to proceed with this if there is a possibiity of OM. Maybe there is and maybe there isn't but I want to find out. After 8 months and no progress I think it's finally time to do some major digging on this issue.

[gucci loafer]

I am going to meet with two mutual friends next week and hope they will be honest with me if they know something.

Nope. Don't put them in that position.

Should I tell my W that I suspect their is OM? Try to get her to admit it? I can be pretty persuasive to her. Should I confront her family and tell them I suspect this? See if I can get them to admit it?

Nope. Find a better way without using mutual friends, friends of hers and her family. It usually backfires and you are risking having friends lie to you and drive a wedge into your friendship.


Hire a P.I. That seems to be the best way to get the facts.
That way you aren't bring anybody else into this drama. And keep this to yourself and the people on this site. You do NOT want her to get a clue what you are doing. Lay low on this.

[mza8]

Got it, thanks again Gucci.

[gucci loafer]

You are welcome..

I have done this a thousand times. Like taking candy from a baby... Just follow the system... The system works.

Men who are successful with women NEVER chase a woman who pulls away from him. That is why they are successful. He knows the key of what works. He shakes his head at men who don't get it as they continue to flounder.... BUT when they wake up and realize that it REALLY does work, he wonders why he didn't realize it sooner. He knows he will NEVER chase a woman again who pulls away. It doesn't work. FREEDOM at last... Don't waste time with a woman who acts as if they don't want you. It only slowly erodes any chance you have of HER coming to YOU. You just have to have the confidence to let the system work. It will.

[mza8]

I read in another thread today that Coach advised someone to check out Robert Glover's website, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy. I checked it out for myself and read some of that forum today. The advice given was very similar to yours. It seems to have worked for some guys over there too. I definitely saw myself in some of those sitchs with the guy being too nice.

Clearly what I have been doing for the past 7 1/2 months has done absolutely nothing to bring my W back. Yes, it's time for something new, time to do what works. I don't want to screw this up. As you can read from the 44+ pages of my thread, I very much want my W back and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish this. I know the mistakes I made in the past with her. I won't make them again and I know with the person I have become that I would make her forever happy. I just need to get her to look back in my direction again first so we can try to begin this process of trying to save this M.

[CityGirl]

I agree you should not involve family or friends in your quest to find out if there is OM or not. A P.I. is a good idea but she also could be having an emotional affair of some sort that is conducted online and that is why you see no evidence of a physical affair.

I also agree you should not talk to the real estate agent about your W at all. If the agent brings it up simply tell her you want to stick to the business of the house only.

Yes, it is time to do something MUCH different. I think you will feel much happier once you do!

[Glimmerman]

mza8

All is about the same on my end. Counseling and one day at a time.....

I would agree with much of what Gucci has pointed out. Do NOT involve others that both you and your W know. Mutual friends...no. Realtor...no. Those sources WILL get back to your W and you DON'T want that.

I also like Gucci's e-mail suggestion regarding the house cleaning....short and simple that you've taken care of it.

[mza8]

she also could be having an emotional affair of some sort that is conducted online and that is why you see no evidence of a physical affair.

Yes, I think if she is involed with possible OM that this could be the more likely scenario. Question is if I can find no evidence of PA (her meeting someone) how do I find out about a possible online EA? I don't see how I can?

Yes, it is time to do something MUCH different. I think you will feel much happier once you do!

No doubt that I will feel better about doing something here. I cannot sit on my hands any longer. I think I have been more than patient with W. After her not wanting to talk at all about the M, she either has to be incredibly immature (this is a possibility with W) or she has something going on (if there is I will find out).

Question will be what do I want to do about M if I find out there is OM? Hmmm...I don't know about that one. I guess I'll cross that bridge if/when I come to it. I'm not sure how someone could get past that?

[gucci loafer]

You said she has been going out with her girlfriends.

THAT is more than likely where the OM comes into the picture.
When single women go out to the bars and party with their girlfriends you can bet that there are men in the picture somewhere. Most all women I have ever met and talked to have a certain man that they like. Rarely if ever have I met a woman that doesn't have the hots for some guy and is hung up on him. I can't remember ever talking to a woman that didn't have any interest in any guy and was just out and about partying and totally neutral. The guy she likes either doesn't like her, or she is going through a breakup that HE initiated and she wants him back. Most times women (and men) have someone else in the wings when they initiate a breakup and is acting as your wife is acting. They go out with their girlfriends and then end up at the place together that the man they are interested in is at. They don't like to be seen alone. Your P.I. would be wise to hang out where she is hanging out.

[mza8]

Well, that's just the thing. They haven't been going to bars. She can't drink because of her diabetes. It doesn't seem she has been really partying. They go out to dinner, movie, local farmers market, a wedding, each others house, family stuff, concerts in the local park, friends birthday party, nothing that seems odd or harmful. That's why I still have doubts about OM but I'm putting the wheels in motion to find out for sure. We'll see. When I see W at gym her face is still breaking out and her hair is still thin. Sometimes she looks good and sometimes she looks not so good. Anyway, I will know for sure soon...