So our S (5) is now out of school. W is coming down here from New England for his B-day party and then they are heading back on Sunday. Essentially, tomorrow is my last day with him as a full-time Dad. My heart is breaking. I have agreed to do the weekend-commuting Husband/Dad but I really, really, really believe that as soon as she has her son with her all contact with me will end. I simply do NOT trust her.
We've had 2 counseling sessions now and we've gone from "I'm desperate to sever this relationship" to our last session where I said I thought she would end things as fast as she could and she looked at me and said "why do you feel like that?" We had a GREAT dinner last Sunday night and I really thought we were making some progress. Then, tonight all she would do was text. I asked her to call because I HATE texting but she wouldn't. I told her I was feeling "lonely" meaning I was taking care of a child all day and wanted to hear an adult voice. Her response..."I can't help you with your loneliness." My response.."You don't get it. A phone call from you is all I'm asking. Simply hearing your voice would be nice." I know...needy, clingy drivel.
I just felt like we were headed somewhere positive. Now..I don't know.
I'm headed up there next weekend. Met a friend up there (another Army guy) who is going through the same crap. Coincidentally, he is coming this way next weekend and has offered to let me stay at his house. So, I've got a place to stay (saving a ton of money as she lives in a very expensive resort town) but I don't think she needs to know where I'm staying. If she asks, I'll just say I'm staying with "a friend" and leave it at that. Of course, she'll then beat me up for being "evasive" and "secretive" which is what she complained about in her littany of complaints as to why we need to end this marriage.
So..seeking advice on that. My first reaction is that until she commits to moving forward together I stay vague. She is not forthcoming about her life why should I be forthcoming about mine? On the other hand, if she assumes the worst (I'm shacking up with some female) then it might push her further away and further toward the OM that I am certain is part of this. Guidance?!?!
I've asked to take her out to dinner next Sunday night. It's our 12th anniversary and she has agreed. I was thinking something nice and romantic but nothing over the top and I was thinking about ending it early with a 'that was nice. I've got an early flight...gotta go.' etc. Again...guidance or feedback would be most welcome.
Now, for the next 2 years I'm going to live near Washington, DC and she'll be where she is. My plan is to buy a sailboat and live on it (much cheaper than an apt) but that brings up a problem. In our last counseling session she was irate because I was taking a sailing certifcation course (counselor told her I could take any course I want to take...she doesn't own sailing....good counselor) and said, "For all I know he's already bought a boat! That's just more of the same..he does his thing without talking to me!!" My dilemma is that I can live on the boat cheap and then send $$$ to her for our household. But, if there is no household for me there...if I'm not welcome, then I will have to get a place for myself and will need $$$ for that. Again, I can live on the boat cheap and put my $$$ toward a permanent place where she is so my son will have a consistent place to come to when I visit. Also..if she's not willing to approach this as a joint venture then what right does she have to say where or how I live? Is this part of my GAL activity?
I want to do "my thing" but that's been part of her complaint but then again, she's not engaging/communicating with me at all so I have NO idea what her plans are and that leaves me acting/planning in a vaccuum.
