I invited her ( strictly as friends ) to a free Country Music Concert I got last minute tickets for, that I was taking our daughter to anyway. I know she wants to go, but its now a question of her work schedule. She also told me that IF she went, HE would have to go also ( I cant be a dick to him like that after what he's done for me ). I told her there was NO WAY I was at a point where I could be sociable with him and suggested an alternative of if we sat apart from each other and she split her time between sitting with me and our daughter and sitting with him and she did say she would consider it, so that's a positive I guess.
First. It isn't true that you invited her "strictly as friends"
Second. What in the world are you thinking? First, you shouldn't have asked her because that shows you are willing to share her with another man. Then you cave and tell her that you WILL go out with her and let her split her time with you and her EX (OM)??????
You seriously need to tell her you changed your mind about that. That is WEAK and is needy and does not attract women to you. Please don't do that.. Come on man, you are doing things out of panic. Not wise.. Not wise at all..
I hear what your saying I really do. And it does make sense for a conventional situation. But as odd as it may seem, and Im NOT even saying I believe it myself fully , but there IS the possibility that it really IS a platonic thing. She's ALWAYS had more guy friends then girls. And I mean that sincerely, I know its outside the "norm" but there is something to it. She never liked the catty gossipy types of reltionships popular amongst many female/female relationships , even ones that are friendly.
Maybe Im wrong and Im being played. For all I know she could have left our meet up and jumped right in the sack with him, but there's not a damn thing I can do about that.
I've already made peace in my mind with the idea that they MAY already have, or MAY at some point in the future " do it" but again , I cant do squat about it. I learned from DR that the affair is NOT the problem but a symptom. I can live with that. We have almost 14 years of history together, they have ONE bad one.
Like I said, it sounded and felt sincere when she blurted out that she doesn't have everything she wants, cause she doesn't have ME. This was confirmed as sounding very genuine by our neighbor counselor.
I know what Im saying sounds foolish, I really do. But this is not a "normal" person , that does or thinks things in the more common and predictable ways of this type of situation. What if it IS true, that even he has said she shouldnt quit on us ? What if it IS true that they have been apart for so long and grown so different that he really doesnt want to try to rekindle anything ? It IS possible you know. Unusual to be sure, but not exactly unheard of or impossible.
I have to go with the observations of a trained third party that was actually physically present for our conversation today. No offense. IF it IS actually strictly platonic and I wig out or something, all that will do is send the signal to her I dont trust her, and since meeting today face to face was a BIG legal risk for both of us, she agreed that was a small step to rebuilding trust.
If its NOT platonic but is physical, there isnt anything I can do about that right now and for the next couple months until I have more stable and secure living arrangements and am back to work so........................
I know it sounds completely unconventional and against all common sense, but there are some seriously complex dynamics at play here that dont fit the normal mold of how to handle things. And YES, I DID only offer strictly as "friends" in the sense of simply wanting to spend a pleasant afternoon with our daughter, doing something we both enjoy , with NO talk of R stuff. Something she's made clear she needed from me in the past, that I wasnt doing. The tickets fell in my lap at the last minute, we usually make a point to go to this event every year and it was NOTHING more then a gesture of kindness on my part. Just like asking if she'd like to accompany me and the kids on a trip to the zoo a couple weeks back. And one of the central points I got from DR was to offer to do things, in a strictly NON R setting or intent, to be able to just start enjoying each others company again without any pressure or expectations. And before anyone says it , I know it sounds like Im "rationalizing " but thats really not the case.
Im being as forthright and honest as I know how about the sitch and how she "ticks".
