Yeah, John, I am sure he knows it too. I don't say it but I am sure it shows, besides any time we have ever had an R talk in the past I have said that ultimately I wanted us together again. And when the D was being finalized I told him it isn't what I wanted and he said it was 'necessary'...
Kerry, I hope that you are right...sometime I will find a good guy I just don't think Match is going to be the place...
So John I was just thinking this afternoon I should go dark because it still feels sometimes like I am too 'available'. When he wants to call, we talk. When he wants to text, we text. When he wants me to practice ball with him and Nathan, we do. It's all pretty much on his whims.
Tonight was rough on me, I wasn't expecting that but it was. He called to see if Nathan's shoes fit (he bought him two pairs and dropped them at the house this morning). I missed the call but texted that I thought the smaller pair fit. Anyway he called twice left two voicemails and then called back to say he was coming over before the game to check the fit of the shoes.
Well I fed Nathan supper and was in the bathroom when I heard the front door open. By the time I came out, 90 seconds later, he was gone. He just ran in looked at the shoes and left. Duh that's what he said he was going to do! Yet I felt disappointed that he didn't even wait to say hi to me. Not his problem, mine...
Then I took Nathan to the game, we parked by Dan's car and saw Nate's hat in the back window. I went to the field where Dan was helping coach and asked for the keys so I could get his hat. He stopped practicing and said he would go get it. Again, not a big deal but I felt insulted that he didn't trust me to go get the stupid hat. Not like I would search the car or anything. (btw I saw the inside when I walked Nathan back to the car after the game and it was a holy mess! And here he always complained about my car being messy!)
Then, his mom and dad showed up with Sydney and her two cousins who were in town. They are all staying at MIL/FIL tonight for a cousin sleepover. Then SIL/BIL showed up with their 14 yr old who was going to also spend the night and help babysit. After the game Dan walks over and asks them if they ate yet, do they want to all go for pizza. SIL says she and BIL have plans but MIL/FIL and all the kids agree to go.
He turns to me and says, "OK I will run by later to get Nate's shoes"--I brought him a change of clothes but forgot to bring his shoes and he had on baseball shoes. I am so stupid, I felt like I got slapped in the face. I guess bc we have been spending more time together with the kids, talking/texting more, I thought once he brought up dinner that he would want me to go too.
So yeah, I need to go dark. For my own PMA and peace of mind. I let myself get expectations otherwise and as someone whose husband had more than one affair, and then divorced her, I have no business having expectations.
On the bright side, Nathan was 2-4 tonight so that was great!
