Better Days

[NoLongerHere]

Just an afterthought, have you ever heard of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy? I'm reading about it, it talks about accepting and appreciating your anxiety rather than trying to push it away. Interesting idea. I think the concept is not to take your thoughts that seriously, they're just thoughts and we do love our thoughts...over and over and over again!

I haven't, but I think I've heard the concept. Sounds familiar, maybe from therapy sessions that stemmed from the first "D event". But yeah, I think that's a good way to look at it...

Ok, so I just made it through your entire thread (well, it took me 2 days)- and it looks like that's only the tip of the iceberg- but it's enough for now.

Now that you've done that, let me re-iterate... I'm not crazy. It's funny how we dump out the inside of our heads on this board, just put it out there, things that we would actually not say to anyone.

Anyway, just dropping in to let you know I feel like I "know" you a bit better now.

Thank you Alice, for taking the time.

It gives me both hope and trepidation to see the road ahead and what it looks like. I never thought- ever- that things would be easier after papers are signed, and your chronicles are really real, very honest and probably really representative of what we'll all go through. It's sad and scary, but I see some hope there. I just wish I could post here dammit!!

Its alot of damage that can be done, and the emotional isolation can be dangerous for us. Looking back, what more could you have done? I think we satisfy ourself in that its over. I'm finally to that point where In letting go, I know there is nothing more that I could do, and I'm not leaving my kids. I was put out, and given no other option. Why should I be angry with myself for a decision she made? Its the same for many of us. DB'ing does give people a chance where things seem futile, and allows for you to build or regain confidence in the face of imminent doom. Plus without this information, I would have been driving myself crazy, trying to rationalize things she was doing and saying that really don't make any sense ( the ways of a wayward ). "Disposible dads?". Not my fault, I did what I could outside of holding her hostage. I still love my kids and know that a fatherless household is not ideal, but I was not given any choice in the matter.

You know, not sure we'll ever make sense of it all. DBing does help carry us through I think whatever the result, and I think there is hope in being better for it.

Hey Geronimo, I thought you "were done"? Its kinda scarey knowing that we can be done, and have a flashback which makes it hard to concentrate or hard to sleep, or makes you angry all over again. Build up time taking care of yourself and over time the storm you came out of will be a small blip in the past.

I had the metaphor in my mind that it's kind of like learning to drive a manual transmission. You know, you're in the wrong gear, you're revving the engine too high, and at SOME point you learn to push in that clutch and change gears. That's learning the skills to cope. The trick is now - recognizing when it's time to SHIFT, and then being able to find the gear. You know, I think I know HOW to lift myself up now - I'm just having trouble shifting - getting my head right - gracefully.

Anyway, there's done, and then there's done. When the party's over you still need to clean up.

Well, I'm in a good mood now because I'm going out tonight and I'm excited about it. So anxiety, funk, and self-pity be damned. Just wish I'd slept better this week.