Update...I went to a funeral with W to support her during her friend’s dad's funeral. While there SIL and MIL and FIL were there. However, SIL did everything in her power to keep my W from me. Took her around the room to talk to people, when W would try to talk to me, would say, hey lets go talk to ____. Then at one point after watching a memorial on the TV, SIL said you need to sit down, then sat 2 chairs in and made W sit next to her. After there was no way I could sit next to W, she says Oh, want to sit down and points to the row in front of them which was a little far to turn and talk to W if I wanted to. SIL made sure that I had as little contact as possible. So I was FUMING. It was the most blatant/obvious display I have ever seen.
So W and I went to dinner right after. We ordered and while we were waiting got call from SIL asking if we would like to have dinner with us. I was pleased to hear wife say no and we already ordered. So we had dinner in peace, but I was still quite angry. So after dinner, W asked what I wanted for birthday which was next day. I grinned and asked if I could have anything. I know I set myself up for a fall here, but I still had to ask. She flatly said, no, is there anything I can buy you. So, although she said no to anything, at least she asked what I wanted. So we were on the way home and I was still upset. And the feelings I was getting from her are still more of a buddy than anything else. This whole thing is breaking my heart. I was to the point that I was thinking of telling her that I think she should leave the house when I got a severe pain in my shoulder and tingling in my arm. Then my hand went numb. So I was terrified and tears are rolling down my face. (I am driving) And wife asked what was wrong and I did not answer and then after she asked a few more times, I told her. So after a little discussion I end up in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. I was admitted and for the first time in months, I received a heartfelt "I Love You." from W. The =n they took me to my room. After I checked in she said she was going to go and then said she loved me again and left. Next day I did not see her until 6:30 PM and she brought S by to see me. They left by 7 and no I love you or any kind of heartfelt anything. One kiss and left. The next day I had an early test and failed the stress test. Called and told her this and she said OK now what. Said I had to get a exploratory surgery to check out my heart. She said OK. Came to visit at 7PM but stayed at least until 9. But I did get another heartfelt I love you. I got the surgery and everything came out OK. They just said I had a minor blockage that did not require stint or angioplasty and could be controlled by diet change. So she seemed a little better and I went home with her. Then we get home and she says let’s take a nap since we both got up at 7AM. So we both lay down in separate rooms, I was hoping she would at least take a nap with me. I wake up to dog barking, she left and went to SIL soon after I went to sleep.
I feel like a play thing. She loves me and I know that. But will she ever "LOVE" me again? I cannot live like this. I do not want to live like this. If I cannot be with her, I do not know if I want to be at all. I cannot take the lack of affection. I cannot take the lack of love. They tell me that I had a severe anxiety attack and that it was a wakeup call because if I keep going the way that I am it will not be long before this is a real heart attack. But to be honest, I think my heart is just plain broken because I think my wife is gone already. I am not sure I can live through this, or want to.
