Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

[newmama]

BD I won't lie- it was very hard being pregnant without being able to share the excitement with WH. SInce he was infatuated with OW throughout our pregnancy, he wasn't "there" or enthused with me about our baby. I felt so alone and confused and very jealous of the other pregnant women who talked about how ecstatic their Hs were and how they celebrated as a family. Even when I found out that WH was having an A, I wasn't confused but was still lonely. ANd I spent the whole pregnancy wondering what was wrong with my WH and then when I found out it was an A I spent the remainder wondering if he was coming back.

During this first year it has been me getting excited by myself and it feels "hollow." I am soaking up S' little acts so I can tell him great stories about when he was a baby and what he would do. I hope as he gets older I will still get to know him 3.5 days each week. Luckily, since I am a teacher, I will get to watch him during the vacations instead of daycare!

I am going to go on a husband hunt starting this fall if WH wants to divorce me. I figure I can find a good guy within a year and then be married by 2015! I will wait longer than a year this time! lol!

[DaddyLongShanks]

Is he drinking or smoking pot? Partying alot?

[Piano]

BD and NM, I really miss my H's companionship too !

There are some positives though about being alone: you don't have to argue over things and can make decisions on your own. And no-one grumbling beside you during an IKEA visit! (OK, so that was my attempt at positiveness!)
BD, good you are reading Detachment again. You know, I didn't start to 'get it' until recently. It wasn't intellectual of course - because you can understand the logic of it straight away- but in my bones that I understood it. Away with pain! Away with trying to 'fix' this. The trick is trying to love them at the same time as detaching.... not sure I've got that going as much as I'd like.

Hey, and remember the story you shared with us...the older woman who was separated 3 yrs or something from her WH. Try to be like you imagine she was during that time. Tip the emtional balance away from blaming WH, to pitying him or something and seeing that he's not mature and needs this time to grow..and you too.

And be angry when you have to as well, and cry, but just don't get stuck there.... xx

[gatsby11]

Other positives of being 'alone': strengthening relationships that may have otherwise been neglected like friends and other family, you create your own peace (er, perhaps a baby can interrupt that ha ha!), and knowing that you are developing a rock-solid strength that will get you through anything!

All that said, today as I was driving through some restaurants in town, I missed WH. I liked when we would go out. We didn't do it often enough.

I helped myself get over that feeling by acknowledging that I WILL go to restaurants with a man in my future. I will date at some point, when I'm ready. And it will be so worth it at that time. Worth the waiting now.

Optimistic fatalism strikes again!

[newmama]

great posts Piano and Gatsby! this:

Hey, and remember the story you shared with us...the older woman who was separated 3 yrs or something from her WH. Try to be like you imagine she was during that time. Tip the emtional balance away from blaming WH, to pitying him or something and seeing that he's not mature and needs this time to grow..and you too.

and this:

Other positives of being 'alone': strengthening relationships that may have otherwise been neglected like friends and other family, you create your own peace (er, perhaps a baby can interrupt that ha ha!), and knowing that you are developing a rock-solid strength that will get you through anything!
All that said, today as I was driving through some restaurants in town, I missed WH. I liked when we would go out. We didn't do it often enough.

I helped myself get over that feeling by acknowledging that I WILL go to restaurants with a man in my future. I will date at some point, when I'm ready. And it will be so worth it at that time. Worth the waiting now.

2 very good points that I need to hear right now! I hope they comfort you, too, Babydoll!

[Babydoll]

I needed that.

[Babydoll]

So he hasn't come to pick up the papers. Today I took them and tucked them back into a hiding spot. He hasn't even come to get the rest of his mail, think he doesn't want to face the papers. I know he is thinking If he takes them, he's an ass, and if he doesn't take them I take it the wrong way. So I am getting rid of them.

H text a few times. We decided (yes, again) that we need to focus on the baby and baby only. You girls reminded me with your posts above that change can not be made overnight. And that right now its not about me.

I need to regain stregnth and not make this about my R with H, but rather someone helping with baby. So I'm giving it another go. I'm going to try and get strong enough that I will not let others opinions affect whatever facockatoo relationship this is we have going. Even if its a permanent one. H stated how he wants to be in my life and especially baby's. So I'm taking the tiniest baby steps. I am drawing boundaries such that what we do is baby related only. Even if I want to badly for H to call or pop over and hang out, will be sure to make it only about the baby. H will need to work really hard to be in my life for me. Clearly right now he has no intentions.

Tonight a few close friends and sisters and mom got together for a "sprinkle"... Not a baby shower, but rather a sprinkle... Small intimate gathering, just girls, and yummy foods, and lots of baby gifts. I was spoiled! It didn't hit me until I saw the diapers that yes, this was all for my baby! Wow!

H said he wants to come to birth classes this week, and wants to come over and see all the great goodies, and start tackling the car seat and putting the baby stuff together. I need a master plan and need to learn control. My new focus will be on making me happy, accepting happiness and not worrying about anything else.

[Babydoll]

I really am practicing the art of detachment. Learning to not have any expectations of anything but rather enjoy the very moment I am in rather than tomorrow or the next day. My family is so so supportive, and trying to get me through this and agree with letting H in as the father, and right now father only!

So I have a very strange story... That I need to share with you.
A week ago,My aunt was a hospital waiting room patiently waiting to be called in for her psychologist appointment (anxiety). While waiting a woman approached her and asked why she looked so upset and what was bothering her. Aunt said the elderly woman sat down beside her and truly just wanted to listen. Aunt said she was sad and upset b/c her neice (me) was expecting and her husband (my H) left and she(aunt) is upset and wishes he'd come back, blah blah blah. The woman listened and said she was sorry to hEar and gave my aunt some advice on how to not stress and so on. Yesterday, my aunt was walking up to the waiting area for her weekly appointment and she saw the woman sitting there with a bag. She saw my aunt and asked her to sit beside her. She said she had been praying for me all week and hoping for a miracle. She then proceeded to pull out this custom frame with an embroidered piece of two birds sitting on a cherry blossom. And below it in hand calligraphy a saying about if you truly love someone you need to set them free, if they come back then you know its meant to be. And if they come back love them with all of your heart. My aunt was in tears! She also pulled out a small frame with a religious figure and said it was for the baby's room and it had been blessed. She asked that the gifts be broguht to me for strenth. My aunt turned to her and said I don't even know your name and you are so thoughtful and generous.turns out she is a nun. She went back to her convent last week and they are all praying for me! I'm sorry if I offend anyone, but I am religious, more of a spiritual fruit and not so much a religious nut. But this I felt was god sent. Bizarre! Enough to make the hair on my neck stand up. I still cant believe it. Aunt said to the nun, I am going to see my niece tomorrow at her sprinkle, I will give it to her then. It is a huge 11x14 frame and its beautiful. Its true. I need to set him free.

Aunt said she hesitated to tell me or give it to me didn't want to upset me, but I took it as a reminder that I have a higher power out there and hopefully he is looking out for me.

I am so touched, and just don't know what to say...

Some people come into your lives and carry a message and hope...
Doesn't mean H is coming back, just saying that I need to let him go, detach and trust the process...

I feel that way about all of you... You pick me up when I'm down, support me, get me with the 2x4 when I deserve it, and just let me ramble on and on... Thank you for being god sent. You truly are helping me get through the toughest time of my life.

[gatsby11]

That is such an interesting story about the nun. How sweet! So sweet.

I also have to point out what I love in your last posts: facockatoo, a sprinkle, spiritual fruit not a religious nut!

I feel that way about all of you... You pick me up when I'm down, support me, get me with the 2x4 when I deserve it, and just let me ramble on and on... Thank you for being god sent. You truly are helping me get through the toughest time of my life.

DITTO!!! Even though all this crap happened, we got to 'meet' each other, right? It's pretty incredible. Thanks, BD!

[newmama]

Babydoll I agree that "sprinkle" is so clever! BUt I am very happy that you had some gifts and celebration for your baby boy- aren't you glad you did?

About the nun...trippy! And like you, I am more spiritual than religious but I believe in God. Maybe that nun was an angel! (not because she was a nun but because she showed up when she did, with a message, and has been praying for you!)

I have been debating with Citygirl on my thread and am reminded, yet again, that none of us would benefit from getting our Hs back in the current state they are in. So setting the bird free is a good analogy not just because when you truly love someone you can let them go but because the bird that returns is the original one we married and loved and wanted to be the father of our children.

(maybe the bird we let go is kind of "sick" and "skittish"- you know, the ones who are disoriented and flying erratically?")