Just wanted to let everyone know that tomorrow is my 17th aniversary. I feel okay outside of the fact that W refuses to give me the kids 50% of the time.
I have been asking for this since the begining...Since Oct of 2009, I was told I am thinking about it. I recently asked again and was finally told NO.
At the request of my MIL and friends I decided to ask her why she felt this way. I was told "I am there mother and they should be with me". My heart broke again.
I am trying to understand that she is scared. I am trying to understand that she does not want to abandon our children. It is hard.
I now have no choice but to fight for them. I really wish it did not have to come to this. I understand that she has issues with me. I do - I get it. Why though put the children throught this. Why?
My faith in God is not so strong right now. I know I will make it - that I know. I know that I continue to change. I know that I continue to work on being the man that I want to be. I also know that I continue to make mistakes and that the changes that I seek will take time. What I don't know is if I will have my kids 1/2 the time and this is killing me. I wonder what is God trying to show me in this. What is it?
Do I feel defeated? No. Do I hurt - yes!
W said that I can have them as often as I like...well then why not give me them 1/2 the time. When I had the chance to aggresively pursue this - I did not. I decided to take the high road. I did prepare myself for the battle, this I will admit.
This whole sitch stinks.
I have to the conclusion that for W this is about control. My kids are all that I have. I cannot take the risk of her moving farther or out of state. A simple "trust me" will not suffice. Do I think i will get them as often as I want. Yeah maybe.
I need to be strong...I need to be strong.
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
