and I'm friggin' sick! On the bright side, my STBX gave me some Chrysanthemum (sp?) and dried dates to boil up into a drink to help my lungs. I actually went over to her place one night just to sit with my family. The worst thing about being sick is being by yourself with no one to share your misery with. Actually, I wanted to borrow an old computer but STBX said it wasn't working but invited me to stay for dinner. What I hate most about being sick is how easy it is to ruminate about all the dark things in your life. In my case, it's easy enough to ruminate when I'm well but when sick it can be the World Series of Rumination! At least things like sketching keep my mind occupied. Why is it so easy to ruminate? I read that human beings like pain to be predictable rather than intermittent and, therefore, we will create pain because it feels comfortable. The unknown is what really makes us uncomfortable so we'd rather be in pain because we know it. That's nuts!...but probably correct. I also read that worrying is a way that we tell ourselves that we're taking action with a problem. Even if there is nothing we can do we tell ourselves "hey, I'm worrying about it" and that feels like action, like we're taking some kind of control over the situation (where there may be no way of really taking control). We also fool ourselves into thinking that all our repetitive thinking is somehow "problem solving" or "processing" (My wife used to love to process...and process...and process...you get the picture and unfortunately I was sucker enough to listen. But if I ever said "why don't you do something about it" she'd reply "I am, I'm processing"...yah, OK.) Anyway, back to that wall I was staring at. It's all part of mindfulness, being present with...the wall.
OK, now for something completely different. I've been having thoughts about a woman lately (yes, it's true, God forbid!) but I'm not sure what I want to do with it. I've known this woman for about 20 years because I work with her mother a couple of days a week! She's about 12 years younger than me, unmarried and her only child is her mother. Her mom is kindly and would do anything for anyone in need but she's also a bit on the far side and tends to drive other people there with her. Now, her daughter and I have always got along well and, although we don't socialize, whenever we meet we have a nice chat and I really enjoy talking with her. I've run into her a few times recently. She's also pretty darn hot too! Yesterday she called me because she didn't know where her mother was and mom had made some strange remarks the previous day about life not being worth living. Anyway, we talked for about half an hour (her mom turned out to be at the mall, as I told her she'd probably be). She was talking to me like an old friend who was having problems with her mom. We talked about her ex-boyfriend and how mom had always hated him and daughter said "I wasn't even that crazy about him myself". Part of me would like to ask her out for dinner, the daughter not the mom , but I'm not sure how we see each other, does she see me as a man or as a friend or as my STBX's husband still? On the other hand, who really cares it would just be nice to have female companionship once in a while. I also wonder if I'm ready for even that? Who needs the male female b.s., I've got enough on my plate as is. I'm still battling Adrenal Fatigue and although no one would really know it, I'm damn tired and anxious at times. Oh, and I also have to deal with her mom at work...scary thought. I also wonder how far the apple falls from the tree, if you get my drift. Is she as nutty as her mom? I married nutty, no thanks. On the bright side, she said she would never introduce another guy to her mom and that's a definite plus. Hey, she's also a Christian. So anyway, that's my little confession. I dunno whether I will or not but at least there's an option...in my mind anyway! Btw, who says I overthink things!
Just as I finished the above post the advice a friend gave me a while back came to mind. You see, the last time I had an interest in a woman and we were having coffee, walks in the park etc (yes, it was the wrong time and in hindsight I should have NOT done it and I wasn't being honest with myself about it) this friend advised me to "bang her now and get something out of this before it blows up in your face" It's always great to talk things over with the guys, you get such deep insight into the mysteries of life. I hope you DBers will do me better. Sorry, I know you'll do me better!
I think it would be dinner in a nice outdoor restaurant and a walk by a pond...and afterwards I'll bang her and get something out of it before it blows up in my face! But, I think the Bible may have something to say about that kind of behaviour...I could be wrong though! OK, I'll pray and ask God for permission...just once.
"this friend advised me to "bang her now and get something out of this before it blows up in your face""
OMG. Your friend sounds just like one of my brothers. Such insightful knowlege of relationships LOL. Mind you that he is divorced and has lived alone for the past 20 or so years LOL.
Yet for some reason us good guys are the ones who get kicked to the curb only to be replaced by the likes of Romeos like him. Isn't being in luuuuv just grand?
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
g450, one of the things I've learned in life is to NEVER do what the guys tell you to do! When I was younger a bunch of us would get together for poker on a Friday night and get looped out of our trees. Ok, too much information. Anyway, one of the guys was telling us about problems he was having with his girlfriend. So "the guys" all agreed that he needed to put his foot down and show her who was boss. So this idiot went out and did it. Next week someone asks how things are with his gf and he says "I did what you guys told me and now I don't have a gf anymore". The reply was priceless, "don't blame us, nobody actually expected you to do it" I've also learned that "the guys" will never do what they advise other guys to do. They're not that dumb! Ah,the sweet memories.
Today I continue my National Lampoon Bronchitis Vacation. I'm on my fifth day of staring at walls through a haze of codeine cough syrup. I like to swig it right from the bottle, forget those sissy little measuring cups, I know when I've had enough. But then again, I did see the Virgin Mary on my living room wall and she was crying real tears...or was that me? Well anyway, aside from my drug abuse, I've been trying to keep up my night life, sick or not. I took a trip down to the laundry room the other night and it was really hopping. Apparently, somebody had done a load of laundry with a tissue left in a pocket. It was pure anarchy! I had to come upstairs and lie down. Tonight, I'm gonna listen for garbage chute opening in the hallway because that could mean some real ACTION around here! So far, I've done the dishes...and they were already clean, taken out my garbage...over and over again and actually did go to the park for an hour today (and no I didn't drive under the influence of codeine). It's a much nicer day than yesterday. I am also feeling better now that BobbiJo and I have been intimate...about our illnesses, that is. So aside from listening for the garbage chute I have no idea what lies ahead this evening...maybe I'll just suck back some cough syrup (after all it is Friday night) and watch it get dark, that's always fun. Wow, I actually miss work!
Ooh, the garbage chute!! I enjoy listening to cars drive up and down my street.
At least rent a movie or something if you are going to be on bed rest for awhile! "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" I think it's called, with Johnny Depp as Hunter S. Thompson, has some wild hallucination scenes,even without the codeine! Or maybe rent Alice in Wonderland and watch it WITH codeine... Why is it Johnny Depp movies are often so surreal??
I enjoy listening to cars drive up and down my street.
especially the ones with sirens! My kid just phoned and she's skipping gymnastics tonight so I don't have to drop her, that's an outing I can cancel. Maybe I'll go out and grab something to eat, come home and watch Hotel For Dogs, I don't think Johnny Depp is in that though...unless he plays a weird dog. My Dad phoned and wants to take me to a baseball game tomorrow, where he thinks he'll get tickets for the Yankees is beyond me. I'm really not sure I'm up for an entire afternoon outing. We were planning to go see an Intercounty Baseball League game but the weather is supposed to be wet tomorrow. Anyway, I need to be ready to go back to work on Monday. I'll just play it by ear.
I hope you DBers will do me better.
Why is it Johnny Depp movies are often so surreal??