Allen, in your case, I can certainly see a valid concern for postponing sex of a period of time until you heal a bit. But if your wife is high drive and you are denying her sex (out of shame, or anger, or resentment, or whatever) then over time this behavior will hurt your marriage. And yes I realize that your wife has already hurt it plenty.
In whatamidoingtodo's case Esox it is whatamigoingtodo who HAD the AFFAIR, and her HUSBAND is not pursuing sex right now... My household situation is the same as hers, but we are in the differeing roles... me being the LBS and her having been the WS
The sex-starved marriage is a complex subject, in the aftermath of an affair this is exponentially so...
I am not dismissing the importance of a sexual relationship in a marriage, but the suggestion that "all bets are off" doens't smack of a cooperative approach to a negotiation at all... Sex in particular is a delicate subject... With a painful affair thrown into the history this delicate subject becomes a thin sheet of glass...
Handle with care can't be emphasized enough here...
