Oooh, I like that! That might be how I handle this. I will tell her that since she did not get back to me about the inside cleaning, I will hire a cleaing service and send her the bill...that could be the consequence to the bouundary. If she pays the bill I know she would pay it from our joint money but who cares? At least I would be standing up for myself.
I'm sure she'll contact me next week for an update from the open house this weekend. I'd like to respond that when she starts to respect me and respond to my questions I will show her the same respect and be happy to respond to her questions.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
I am not saying this to disagree with CityGirl, or anyone else for that matter. This is just my opinion of what I would do.
A few clues.... RE Agent said your W sounded stressed (shocker!) Your W may not be looking very hard for an apartment Your W doesn't WANT to mess with the house, she just wants it sold.
You can hire a cleaning service if you like, probably doesn't matter one way or the other. I probably would not send her the bill.
Again, this is a guess, but I believe has some validity. Finances have your W terrified.
The best way to handle the cleaning... Either hire someone or do it yourself.
Send your wife this email:
"Never mind the cleaning at the house. I took care of it."
Don't get into a pi**ing match about something like this. It isn't worth it.
The message will allow her to WONDER what you did. She will then feel GUILTY because you took care of something you asked her to do. It is when you get them to WONDER what is up with you that you start to make progress...
Let her wonder what you meant by saying "I took care of it" I would suspect that she will contact you shortly after you leave that type of message giving you some excuse why she didn't do it etc.. Being all nice to you and so forth. This is what you WANT to happen.
Another side note for you.. A word to the wise.. Be careful about trying to get information about your wife from the realtor. That is not wise. Sounds like YOU were fishing for information from her. Remember, the realtor will more than likely go right back to your wife and tell your wife what YOU said too. Don't be stupid here. Keep your cards CLOSE to your vest. You are being too open to the realtor about your wife and what your wife is saying and doing. Not good. You want the realtor to have to say to your wife "he didn't say anything or even ask about you"
Glimmerman, so good to hear from you man. How are things with your sitch coming along? I hope things are positive for you.
You could be right about my W. She might be scared regarding the finances. I'm not sure what else I can do to help that issue? The house is for sale.
The cleaning person is probably more me trying to get her to show a little respect and accept some responsibility. I agree it's not a huge issue to me if she actually does it or not but I'm not happy that she chooses to ignore me on the subject.
I still can't get her to talk to me GM. I don't think I've read another sitch here where the W hasn't talked to the H in almost 8 months and said what her issues are with the M. It's unbelievable. I don't know what to do at this point? Some of my friends tell me to try to reach out to her and ask her out. Some tell me to remain patient and give her more time. Man, this is driving me crazy. Part of me wants to write her a letter with a deep hearted apology for the specific things I let her down on.
I still see no signs of any other man and I continue to look. Friend of mine can hook me up with a PI if I want. I don't know. I found out that she mostly goes out with her GFs on the weekends. I have finally gotten my act together and feel comfortable now if I did contact W and reach out. Some days I feel like I have a plan and some days I feel like I don't have a clue.
Anyway, I'm sitting outside right now listening to live music at one of the places W and I used to go to a lot. Band is pretty good. I'm having a good and relaxing time.
Give us an update with your sitch and don't be a stranger.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Gucci, yes, good advice on the cleaning issue and email. I will send her the email exactly like you suggest. I agree, I don't want to get into a pissing match over this issue with W. It's not worth it. I would have in the past so this would be a 180 for me.
You're also right about discussing W with agent. The agent offered the info about W sounding stressed out. I must admit that I asked about the apartment. I'll keep my mouth shut with agent from now on. Point well taken. I hope at some point my W begins to wonder what I'm doing or why I took care of something. I completely agree that this is what I want to happen. I would see this as a good thing.
Thanks Gucci.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
I'm meeting a mutual friend next week who will most likely know if this is the case. I will ask for sure. I also have a second mutual friend who I'm going to ask who would be honest with me. After those meetings I will decide on PI.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
I will say it again.. The best way to get a woman back is to let her go on her merry little way. Find a woman who WANTS to be with you and thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread. You will be amazed how you will suddenly have a skip in your step and wonder why you didn't do it sooner. Life will suddenly be wonderful......
and then.. your wife will more than likely make a move back toward you.. not before you let go.... AFTER... she MUST feel that you have let go.. Right now, I suspect she is caught up in another man. Sorry, but that is what almost always is the case. Go with the odds.
You know, to be perfectly honest, I'm not afraid anymore if I find out there is OM. I would rather know and expose it. I could then figure out if I would still want to save M and if W would too. I feel like that would at least be a step in some sort of direction. I don't quite understand why she would want to hide OM? She already left. What's the big deal if she were to tell me if this is the case? If I left I would care less if she knew if I was seeing someone else.
M 38 WAW 36 Together 19 years Married 12 years Bomb/Separated Oct. 09 I love my wife Sitch
Well, then it is about time you did your homework and seriously tried to find this OM. Don't go into it trying to find ways to say she isn't, but with the attitude that the shoe fits and the evidence is pointing that way. Why do I say this? Because of 20 plus years of observing these things. The evidence IS there. It has been for some time. I am glad to see you finally coming to terms with that possibility and reality. Too many red flags to not look seriously into it. It certainly would answer an awful lot of questions that don't make sense until you factor that in the equation. It then makes all the sense in the world.
