You are right CityGirl. Why is this so hard for me? Can someone please get over here and slap me? I just wish I hated him. I wish so bad I could look at all these things and hate him and then this would be so much easier. Why do I still care?
Why do I feel bad that he writes nice emails? I guess I keep hoping he will change. I started doing telemeeting with COSA (Co-dependants of Sex addicts) http://www.cosa-recovery.org/
That seems to be helping some.
I guess I can't stand that he is throwing me away. I haven't done anything and he still doesn't want me. He is the one that is the horrible person and I'm still not good enough. But then of course I keep going back and feeling guilty like I did something to push him to this or something.
Also, I think a lot of it is that it's almost like he has a double life. So this part of him I never really knew about until recently. He did have an affair last year but up until Jan 2010 I had NOT IDEA - I mean, NOT IDEA that he would ever do these types of things. So I still have all the happy and wonderful memories and the love I thought he had for me and that is hard to let go of.
