I need help in the biggest way. I feel so helpless

[timehealsall]

When you are ready to share we will be here. It helps to talk it out before you make any big moves. I am home working all day today so I will check back soon.

Do you have a source of income if your H removes his money?

Yes, I work and actually (LUCKILY) opened up an account with the bank that my company uses in order to expedite direct deposit and/or cashing of my paycheck being that they are an OOS company. ugh..

We have been going back for forth. He is stuck on what I DID TO HIM. How I hurt HIM. How I REJECTED him. That I wouldn't have sex with him... pushed his face away.. that I hurt him. Then he goes on to say that he would have NEVER done what he did (have an A) had things been better between us and had we especially never moved out of NY. He feels that moving was the thing that made him detach from me the most because he had no outlet down there.. No family, no friends, hobbies, etc.

So he has been nickle and diming me for everything. To give him 1/2 of gas, purchases, etc. it's amusing actually.

He has pretty much said that he is done and needs for us to move on (separately). that he cannot get over what I did to him. Swore on our children and everyone near and dear to him that he is not with OW, has had no contact and she is not carrying his child. That she is with a new man and that it is "impossible" that it's his. Kept asking me to stop bringing her up that me and him don't compare to any time he spent with her. that he gave me everything and went into the marriage 10000000% and that I let him down and left him...

he is paranoid thinking that I'm going to leave him "holding the bag" in regards to our finances. He thinks that I'm squandering money away in another account and that I plan on leaving him with our debt.

it's just all paranoia and crazy talk from him.

He will do all this kind of talking, yet tell a friend of ours NOTHING of him having moved out 3 weeks ago and said that things were "good" between he and I. Who is this person?

I then checked intel and his landlord sent him an email saying that (OW's name) had tried to get into apt but that the locks had been changed....so Landlord asked H if he had changed the locks (again; he just changed them in April after the robbery).. I can't see what H wrote back but it was to the effect that he DID change the locks and goes on to tell the Landlord that he is getting a D. Now, i know that the employee that is working there has her sister come in and clean. so i don't know if that is who the OW's name person is OR the actual OW. I'm just so confused and disgusted. I have checked cell phone records and everything imaginable and it adds up to what he is saying EXCEPT for this whole (OW's name) having keys and trying to get in.

My head feels like it's going to explode..

All I wanted is to keep my family together. Show my H that I'm the right choice and I feel like this is just a frikkin nightmare and I can't help but feel so angry for my kids. They deserve better than this sh!t.

I even asked H if the OW was holding anything over his head, bribing him or if he was helping her out someway. He looked at me like I was crazy and said why would he and that she has a soon to be husband who is taking care of her and that that is over and done with and to stop rehashing.

He then goes on to say that he wants to make himself happy and that being with me he was unhappy (in not those exact words but that was the gist of it).

He is stressed beyond belief. He loves the kids and has been great with them but he keeps saying how he needs to get work done and get a job and he can't when he is watching the kids.

I DON'T want a divorce. I just feel like he has me up against a wall and has given me no choice here. How can I go on playing house with him (we go to family functions and events together and as if nothing) and yet he doesn't want to be with me.

Kindly give me 2x4's or anything possible. I can take it and need to be put into check. Am I just being impatient and paranoid?

I feel like I want to be patient and focus on me but then I get paranoid in thinking that he hasn't file not because he is confused but due to lack of money and because he is waiting until he has money and then he'll file.. I am just going crazy here.

He has said to me on numerous occasions to relax and let's focus on getting ourselves out of this rut but I am just crazed right now.