I need help in the biggest way. I feel so helpless

[timehealsall]

Confusing weekend?!?!?!

Went out to dinner together on Friday as I had suggested..

Although I got out of work early and was home and the kids were at my parents house and he text me paranoid talk, as I call it, asking who know what (about our sitch). he then went silent abd there were no texts.. I went into panic mode but then he "woke up from his nap" and we went out to dinner.

It was nice.. we chatted lightly. Anytime he brought up R talk, I told him I wanted it to be a good night and let's change the subject. He thinks his mother is trying to sabotage our marriage and that he is hurt over what I did to him (hitting him and scratching his face). Anyways, we went to this local bar afterwards. had a nice time. He would rub my back or hug me slightly.. it was nice I'd say..

Then he took me home.. I asked him to come up. Meaning just to sleep or watch tv and he said that he needed time and not to rush anything and to be patient.

I went to bed and cried myself to sleep.

I woke up Saturday morning and ran errands and then got the kids and did laundry. He text me early and asked if we wanted to see fireworks at a local beach. I replied that'd be fun and then I didn't hear back from him ?!? I had left my mom's house to go home to get myself the kids ready to go see fireworks and that ticked me off.

So I sent him a friendly text asking what time we were leaving.

he then replies "oh, I passed by your place and didn't see your car, so i thought you didn't want to go?" UGH. why is he playing stupid?

Well, funny thing is that he came over a few minutes later from the gym with his change of clothes..

We went and had a great time and then his uncle took our older two for the night and he dropped me off again. (after helping me bring my things into the house).

Then I woke up Sunday and we had an event to go to (bbq at his aunt's house at 3 p.m.) I got up and got my little one ready and ran around to shop for things I was asked to bring. Then got myself ready and I didn't hear from H ALL DAY.. When I was driving home, I saw him pull out of the gym parking lot and he turned his head and looked right at me and continued driving in the opposite direction; he later said he waved, but I didn't see.. ) then at around 2,I started panicking again because he hadn't contacted me and I was thinking maybe he wasn't going to his aunt's house?

So I text his uncle who knows of our sitch and he said W, H is a big boy, he will be fine and get there if he wants to be there. Just come, we are your family."

SOOO at 245, guess who comes walking into my house? Yup, H. I played cool and he was checking me out. I recently changed my hair and looked really cute if I may add and he was noticing.

he tried to get me to fool around/sleep with him but I told him that we had to leave to go to the bbq and that he had rejected me the last two nights and that I was going to give into him after that and feel used" After a few more attempts to get me to cave, he finally got dressed and we left.

Had fun and then later that night, AGAIN, the kids and I get dropped off.. he wishes us a good night.. sweet dreams and leaves.

Sunday morning i wake up at 4 am.. couldn't sleep.. I'm just so unhappy with this situation.

Kids wake up at 8.. I tell them let's get dressed we are going out to breakfast and then we went to the parade.. we got back to the house later on and we played outdoors all day, and then at 12:30, H texts me what our plans were for the day.. this pi$$ed me off.. he said he was getting his "beauty sleep haha" and that he had just woke up. I told him i wasn't sure but that his aunt had asked us over if we wanted to go swimming but I really wasnt in the mood for that.

then I put them down for a nap he called me back and then says he wants to watch the lacrosse game and that he'll take S5 and go watch it. I then said, uhm, how about you take all 3 and he refused. Said "you can't handle them? you have a break all week and I'm with them and now you want me to take all 3 and you can be left to do nothing?!?" He kept going on and on about ridiculous things. I mean, some of things he said were outright CRAZY! I then told him I wasn't letting him ruin my day and hung up. He then started texting.. saying he was going to get a lawyer to settle our $$ matters. Whatever...

then when they woke up and we went to the ballfields to play and then to the park/playground.

I saw his car pass our house too (the park is on the same road as our house) but he didn't see us.

His Uncle called us and invited us to dinner at their house and I accepted.

H text me later on (last contact was at 1; this was almost 7) asking what we were up to (I swear he sounds bipolar!) and I ignored him and then 5 minutes later he texts "Wow that sounds like fun" being sarcastic.

I then replied where we were. You could tell he was taken back by it. He was like "nice. have a great time." and then text me later on asking how things were. if we had a good time.. if the kids were in bed.

I replied it was great and fun and then went to bed.

He came over yesterday morning and I asked him for my debit card. He asked me to depo funds into our joint so he can pay his CC's.. I was like WHAT? he stopped paying mine in December because I wasnt working and now he wants me to pay his? then he goes on about how he let me use his cards. uhm, I used mine on our house as well...whatever. Then he got nasty, as usual.

Last night, he went to meet up with a good friend of ours (coaches a professional sports team) and is in town and he and his wife know our sitch (from the start) and when he asked H how things were, he made no mention of the fact that he moved out 3 weeks ago and said that things were good between he and I.

What is wrong with this man? Why won't he just file for D already if he doesn't want to be in our home together (which he said that he doesn't want to hurt the kids by being there for 2 days and then the kids seeing him leave after a few days ?!?!?)

UGH. I am missing SOO much info.. so I'm sorry. Just needed to get it all out.

BTW, he is now charging me for 1/2 of what he spends..

he put gas in my truck so he wants 1/2.

[timehealsall]

I am lonely....
I don't know how much more I can take of this....
I don't know if this marriage is worth fighting for anymore because of the fact that perhaps maybe too much has already happened? Maybe it's too far gone to repair?

ugh..

[idontunderstand]

Hey there-

Don't you just love the roller coaster?

I know you're having a rough go of it here lately. Allow yourself to be sad and frustrated for a while.

Then, go back to the strong lady that you are. It's so hard to stay strong for so long, but I think you are one who can do it.

Just re-read the line in your signature: "The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." i.e. the person who needs the R less is the one who is in control of it. Show him you are in control. Don't hang on his every word. Occasionally, turn him down when he asks you to do something.

Hang in there, you still have some game left in you!

[FindingMyVoice]

Hi Time, I don't have to leave for my function tonight as early as I thought, so thought I'd stop by and check in on you. I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely and overwhelmed, like you're having to fight for the marriage. I must say his actions and words certainly seem to be erratic. I think you're doing well though, staying as strong as you can, not letting him pull you into anything you don't want to do or discussions you're not willing to participate in. I'm glad when he starts talking badly to you, that you have the courage to just hang up the phone. Each time you do that, you're showing yourself care and love, and it will go a long way to strengthening you. Hang in there. We're all here for you. PG.

[change44]

Oh my....we have so much in common, my friend. Praying for your strength, and asking that you pray for mine. We both have young children involved (I have 4, ages 4-10), so I know that walking away from an emotionally abusive and disrespectful situation isn't as easily done as it is said. Keep your hope and faith that things will work out as they are intended to. Hugs to you....

[timehealsall]

Hugs to everyone. Thanks for the support.

I think he is slowly breaking down.. I wish he would just hit rock bottom already...I know that sounds harsh, but I just hate watching him shift blame on everyone else, rather than take responsiblities for his own actions.

Lately I've been wondering what it would be like to meet someone else...To have a distraction.. to get that kind of attention that I've been craving so much lately. I just feel like I'm rotting away. But I do feel strong and I do have alot in me. I won't allow myself to be his punching bag. I need to show him tough love and I need to respect myself. I realize that I need to show my children the differences in fighting for what you believe in and doing it all the while maintaining your self respect.

xoxo to everyone!

[timehealsall]

It's amazing how things change from day to day.

We have gotten progressively worse.. We are doing D talks. He is done and although he wants to wait until we pay our debts and he has more money and what not, I have had it.

He threatened to remove me from the joint bank account. can he do that? I think he is going to the bank today.

I'm just absolutely sick over this.

More has happened but I can't mentally compose myself properly to even begin to put that down yet.

[TimeHeals]

He threatened to remove me from the joint bank account. can he do that? I think he is going to the bank today.

I suppose he could open another account, but until you have a Marital Dissolution Agreement in place, you are responsible for each other's debts if you have comingled assets usually.

Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer, and this is not legal advice. If you can afford to pay an attorney a retainer, now might be a good time.

[CityGirl]

When you are ready to share we will be here. It helps to talk it out before you make any big moves. I am home working all day today so I will check back soon.

Do you have a source of income if your H removes his money?

[timehealsall]

He threatened to remove me from the joint bank account. can he do that? I think he is going to the bank today.

I suppose he could open another account, but until you have a Marital Dissolution Agreement in place, you are responsible for each other's debts if you have comingled assets usually.

He banks at 1 bank. All of his business accounts and our personal JOINT account is linked together. He threatened to remove me from the JOINT account...