WAH in MLC with PA

[DiamondGirl]

My mom has a lot of regrets at how she's handled her life to date. She hides in books instead of living her life. I can't change that for her, and she doesn't seem to want to change it for herself. So be it. It is her choice how she wants to live out the remainder of her years. However, it is MY choice at what my children will learn from their home environment, and I don't want it to be what she is showing them.

She has boundary, control, self esteem, motivation, and codependence issues. I suspect she's had sexual abuse in her past, but she remembers nothing. My grandfather was an alcoholic and my grandmother unemotional and cold-seeming. She has a sedentary lifestyle and stays home most of the time, with brief (very brief) periods out. When depressed or grumpy (which happens a lot) she will shut all blinds and sleep or eat for most of the time. She has little concern for keeping a neat home (she was a fanatic about cleaning when I was growing up), and is a hoarder. However, she thinks nothing about telling others what they should be doing and how to do it. She avoids dealing with reality and escapes into books constantly (there's always one in her hand). She is on meds for depression, but doesn't do anything to monitor the results or adjust it accordingly. The idea of just going out for the sake of getting out is difficult for her to grasp.

This isn't a rant against her, she has a heart of gold. Merely what I've observed to be true and what I've learned of myself that I got from her. What she's showing them is what I have learned and have struggled to overcome for most of my life. It's been a challenge to say the least. A lot of pain and confusion and lack of joy, all of which could have been avoided. I wouldn't wish that on anyone to experience, definitely not my own kids. I can't save her and won't even try. I can and will however, take the reins and change myself and my life so my kids will learn another way to live.

I want my kids to know that books are awesome for learning from and to disappear into another world that you may never see in your lifetime, but that they are not crutches to be used. That life is for living and connecting with others to share what you have to offer and accept what they have to give.