Haven’t been on here in a while. I’ve been DB’ing and things seemed to be getting better. I don’t know if W suspects I can see her computer inputs because she mostly just puts pretty neutral stuff out now. I grabbed her cell a few times (she didn’t know) to look for texts. She is good about deleting her inbox and saved messages, but I guess she didn’t notice the “sent” box. I found these sent to one of her female friends: -looks like we're in the same boat, married to husbands for the wrong reasons, while the loves of our lives are with someone else -I don’t love H anymore. We’ve grown apart. -I don’t love H. I’m just staying for the kids. -I don’t have to work as long as married. We’ve both thought about div several times. We can’t stand each other. Don’t know how much longer. - I just Want to leave - Want to be in a relationship with no expectations and then see if it turns to something. (This one was sent to a single/male friend)
There were more along these lines. Here is a little more about W. She suffers from depression/anxiety. She took a med a few months back and it got much worse. Now she just drinks a little more and tries to deal with it. By her own words she is going through a MLC. Most of the time she is snapping at me or our eldest child. Our eldest child is very difficult, to say the least. It’s caused a lot of tension/stress between W and I. I shouldn’t be shocked about the texts, but I was. I’ve resorted to just acting as neutral as possible. I don’t defend myself or get baited into arguments like I used to. She’s a stay at home mom, so that explains the part above about her “not having to work”. She is a good mom who loves her kids deeply. I guess that’s the main reason she’s staying. The other part is work. I make good money and have a stable job. She gets to live in a nice house (not a mansion by any means!), drive a fairly new car and she has the visa that she runs up monthly. I’m sure she doesn’t want to lose this. I could have done so many things better. I neglected her. BUT…I’m not abusive, I’m a good provider, I take care of my kids, the house, etc.
Not sure how to proceed. I feel like so much resentment has built up that she couldn’t love me again. That means I’m just waiting for the bomb drop and/or the affair. Please help…2x4’s are always welcome.
I see glimmers of hope, but I know that she is a liar and an actress on matters like this. A few hours after texting her friend “I don’t love H.” she gently grabs my shoulder while driving and when I look over she gives me a sweet smile and a “Are you having fun on our trip?” She wants/expects me to kiss her when I leave in the morning and at night before bed. I still do, but I cringe after what I’ve read. I thought she was still sleeping when I left this morning, so I just walked out. She came running out after me and said, “Are you mad at me? Why didn’t you kiss me goodbye?” I responded (truthfully) that I thought she was sleeping. She than asked, “You seemed mad last night, is something wrong?” She was particularly nasty the night before, so I went into defense mode and kept my distance. I was never rude or a jerk, but I kept my answers short. Last week she went off on me about something I didn’t think was a big deal. When she petered out I said “I’m sorry if what I did bothered you. That wasn’t my intention.” I then just walked away. Five mins later she runs up to me, hugs me and asks “Are you mad? I’m sorry. I overreacted.”
I just don’t get her actions. I guess after reading her texts I expected nothing “nice” out of her. Maybe this is all part of her act…
