Ok, I need to really think about what I'm going to require W to do to continue on this path. I can't go any further without dealing with this.
Here's what I've been pondering. I'd appreciate any feedback:
* Her returning to OM's country, even for her work, is toxic to our R, so if she isn't willing to let that go, I'm out
* Letter of no-contact must be sent to OM, authored by us together
* Transparency plan?
* She should pay back all the money OM gave her. We never got divorced, so he essentially gave US the money, and I won't live with that
* She needs to tell me why she wants to save our M, and explain why I'm not her "plan B"
* STD test?
Comments? Suggestions?
FU,
It's a pretty good list, and remarkably similar to mine -- right down to the "borrowing money from the OM" (my wife borrowed the $$$ for her legal retainer from him). Ugh.
I also had the STD test on mine -- "full-panel STD test, with the results to come to me."
This is the only one that jumps out at me:
Quote:
* She needs to tell me why she wants to save our M, and explain why I'm not her "plan B"
I understand what you're going for here, but it might be better to say "I need to know that you are 100% committed to our marriage. I will not be anyone's Plan B." I dunno.
Re: the first point. To what extent is her company REQUIRING her to go on this trip? Any way to independently verify that? I tend to agree, this would be a dealbreaker. I told my wife I could not feel safe in the marriage if she kept her job, at the gym where OM also worked. It pained her, but she did quit.
