Well I blew it....Last night I went downstairs to talk to him about how I was feeling. I told him I feel really insecure about this whole situation. He knew my emails that I sent to him about stupid little things were to check to see if he was going over there....I cant win. Plain and simple. I woke him up but really I did not think he was sleeping. So I get to hear how he cannot trust anything that comes out of my mouth and how I am always worried about everything. My anxiety does take over..but I was doing so well. I really was. I dont want things to go back to the way they were. I hate feeling insecure..but here I sit worried that because I "harrassed" him last night and then this morning that it is too late..he will go and see her...I screwed up. It is not fair to think that everytime we have a fight or I "badger" him he will talk to her or see her...not fair. I cant live my life like that. I will agree that my anxiety does get the best of me..but as I told him last night..there is never a good time to talk to him...not at night or not in the morning....The kids are around...It was that way before. I should be able to tell him how I feel at this point without having to worry that he is going to see her. That is all there is to it!
