As I’ve read more here and talked to others I have realized that I think he is in MLC mode. I’ve been reflecting and thinking and reading here a lot over the last several days. Trying to figure out what I should be doing: GAL, don’t pursue, doing what he doesn’t expect (180’s) but being there. The “courtship” came back to me this morning. I remembered who/what I was then. I didn’t pursue. I was afraid of being hurt--imagine that. I wasn’t always available to him. I did things on my own with friends. I had a life away from his. My life didn’t revolve around him. When we did see one another I had interesting things to share. I listened and was truly interested in what he had to say. It was a bit of a dance-move forward, move back, move forward, move back. I did little, nice things for him. I didn’t say I love you first.
I think that remembering that courtship will help me in doing what I need to do now. It’s helping me GAL. Don’t pursue. He’s hurt me enough. There has to be some hesitation. Be friendly. Be calm. That is my 180. It’s not what he would expect me to do in this situation. (I think???) He expects me to be scared, and I am, but I’m not going to let him see the fear. It’s hard not to reach out to him. A habit of 28 years is hard to break overnight. I have to forgive myself for my mistakes along the way here. I’m doing little, funny gestures. Leaving the bathroom scale at a silly number He noticed it and said something about it..
We did have a talk yesterday about the kids and telling them what is happening. It had to be done. We didn’t talk about future plans. I’ve somewhat managed to put that on the back burner in asking for time. I have to think through how to do that a bit more. It’s a conversation that we need to have, but I don’t want to be the one to start it. It’s his thing. Let him do it.
Other things: take care of myself. Look good at all times as possible. Laugh with the kids. Reach out to people and let others be my sounding board--not him.
I really need someone here to look at what I'm doing and tell me if I'm on the right track in DBing. Thanks
