Last night, she came by and we went over the papers. Everything went fairly smoothly until the very end. She tried to make me sign these papers and I told her that I wasn't signing anything until the changes were made. She understood. Then I told her that once the changes were made I needed my attorney to look it over before I signed.
She went crazy and told me if I was getting an attorney then she was going to have to serve me and I should have let her know earlier that I was getting an attorney (which I did) and all this paperwork could have been avoided because it was set up as if I did not have an attorney. She then accused me of trying to drag it out or stall (which in some ways I am) and that I could play this game if I want to but it doesn't change anything.
She then informed me that I needed to be out of the house by the 15th of June. She stormed out and that was that.
The whole time I kept it together. I defended my position, did not ask her to stay, did not talk about the good ol' days, only brought up the kids as it related to the papers. A couple of times she tried to push a few buttons to make me snap, but I resisted the urge and remained calm.
My question is...now what?
why do you have to leave the house? She wants out of the marriage not you, do you guys own the house together?
I'm going to be 100% honest with you (because I happen to lie to everyone else LOL), when a woman has a hysterectomy, a lot of changes happen. She is going to appear to be a different woman, heck most of the changes you've seen in the last several years or so may be related to the problems she had associated with having to have a hysterectomy at such a young age. Post op, she may be required to go on HRT, hormone replacement therapy. I saw my own MIL go through this, she actually changed into a different person - the hormones in our body literally control who we are, she went from being an angry lion to a sweet pussy cat in between taking her regiment of pills to balance her hormones. This may be a bit of generalization and if there are some medical experts out there that want to add to this please do but I know what I saw and experienced, that type of operation changes a woman's life.
Let her serve the papers to you.
Just because she wants the world doesn't mean you have to give it to her.
Not being financially where you need to be (unless of course you are living on the streets because you have a gambling, drinking or drug problem) isn't something that is totally your fault - how did she help to contribute to where you need to be? Why is it all your fault? Why are you taking 100% responsibility of this issue as your fault, don't, you don't have to.
And I love the part about a WAW that says that divorcing is being done with the children's best interests in mind. Speak to those kids and ask them, is this what you want? I remember watching a program on the aftermath of divorce and the effect on children and full grown adults whose parents divorced when they were younger (ie. children, pre-teen, teen, etc.) still feel the effects of that decision, still wished their parents had stayed together, etc.
Divorcing is never done to make life easier for the children (unless this is a family where abuse is commonplace), that's a flat out lie.
Robx- I agree about the "best for the kids" thing. I've tried very hard to use them in any way because they do not deserve to be drug into this. The whole reason she is trying to push this through so quickly (I believe) is that she is afraid that kids reaction might force her to second guess her erratic and irrational actions.
As far as the hysterectomy goes, I think in her case the surgery caused her to rethink (over-think?) a lot of things in her life. While my wife does have hormonal issues, the surgery did not add to them as this was only a partial and she still has her ovaries, which is why she did not have hormone therapy post op. However, even if you were 100% positive that you never ever under any circumstances wanted another child, having that situation taken care of for you has to be emotional.
Also, she does have thyroid issues as well. So that alone spells hormonal imbalance.
Puppy Dog Tails- thank you for the encouragement. I only spoke to her today in regards to when she is bringing the kids over. I did not bring up anything else. When she answered my questions I got off the phone. When she dropped the kids off, I said hello and goodbye and what time I'd have them back to her house. So other than keeping the house up and operational, continuing to build my relationship with my kids, and moving forward with my life outside of the M, is there anything I should be doing?
RobX I missed your first post-I have to move out because the house was gifted to us and her parents put a lean on it. And because I was young and stupid when we got the house, I signed a paper saying that the house would become her non-marital property should the marriage end.
I know I can fight it, but to be honest, it would probably be more trouble than it's worth to stay here.
So today, I only spoke to her to talk to the children. I made no small talk and did not ask her anything about her day, etc.
Nothing really new to report. Today was the day she was supposed to call the lawyer to have me served. I have no idea how long that takes, but I imagine it would take a few days to get everything taken care of. I'm expecting to hear something next week.
The biggest problem that I have is that her parents are supporting her monetarily, so she really isn't feeling any of the true effects of the separation. For her, life has not changed. However, I am keeping up appearances on my end, proving that I have no problem getting through life without her.
I have been holding it together pretty good the past few days. Today I went to our kids kindergarten "graduation" and sat with her and her family. Afterward, I went back to work (I had to).
I called her after work to ask her something about the kids and she started talking about tutoring our son needs. After discussing it, I asked her when she wanted to talk to them about the D and she said on Sunday. We started discussing what we were going to tell them and I broke down and got really upset. I told her that I thought this was horrible for the kids and she basically responded that it was best for them since she was miserable in our M.
She said that the D was going to happen and I needed to deal with it. She said that she was tired of fighting it and she has not seen me as a husband for a long time. She said that she had to do everything (except work) because I was unreliable.
After we hung up, I regretted ever even speaking to her. I know I screwed up here and set back the DB quite a bit. I'm just not sure where to take it from here.
I should be getting served in the next couple of days.
If anyone can offer advice or encouragement, it would be appreciated. I'm really feeling down about the whole thing.
I hear what your saying to MrLost TH, but Im going through somewhat similar circumstances to ML myself, including the questions of hormone imbalance/depression in a WAW who has also found a way to not suffer any significant, life altering economic impact from her decisions. I gotta tell ya, I dont see a win/win for me either.
I KNOW this is hurting our daughter, thank god our son is only 7 mos old. IF Im not successful in the end of DBing this, I certainly dont view it as a "win". A true win in my book is that we are eventually able to resolve this and reconcile and restore our family. Anything else is merely an " also ran " in my book. For me , for the kids , etc. Just saying, everyone has their own definition of what a " win " is..................
I am just pointing out that if you try to save your M and are unsuccessful, it's still a win if you live a good life and find happiness.
The only way it's not a win is if you stay stuck in some form of grieving (and most people won't do that), or if you choose to live in fear or seek to escape from what you are going through by entering a rebound R,
In short, as long as you don't give up living or give in to weakness, in the end ... it's a win.
Last edited by TimeHeals; 06/04/1003:50 AM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
