To my two or three regular readers, please forgive my absence. There are a few reasons for my being away:
*I have no concept of time. I am often unaware of the passage of time. That comes with being a scatterbrain. *I spent several days painting my bedroom. I was enthusiastic on the first coat of the first wall. The rest was tortuous. It's done, though! 400+ square feet--finished!! Most, if not all, of the paint is out of my hair now, too. I'm also clumsy. *H was here for a bit on Sunday. He moved out a few of the boxes. He did not take all of them, and he's nowhere NEAR having all his possessions packed. I did not ask him when he was coming back to get other boxes or when he would be back to pack more things. I just skipped around in a cute skirt and tank top and let him do his thing. *I SPENT SOME QUALITY TIME WITH MY FAMILY. I have stories from these events: time with grandmother (Saturday), time with grandmother (Sunday), and family dinner at father's on Memorial Day (Monday). Oh. My. Gosh. My entire weekend was an exercise in patience.
I'm going to respond to a few posts and then describe in painstaking detail the memorable but cringe-worthy family togetherness. Grandmother has a prominent role in the stories, but lunatic uncle makes an appearance, too.
Ah, possum. He is ever-evasive and incredibly cunning. I went to warn the Brazilian next-door neighbors (the new neighbors) about tricky possum, and I had to explain what a possum is. Now I'm curious to research destructive Brazilian possum equivalents. Maybe we could get an exchange program going.
To show their appreciation, they gave me a Corona and Brazilian cheese bread, both of which were exceptional. They shouldn't have fed me. Like possum, I'll just keep coming back.
Vacation is WONDERFUL. Thank you for asking! I'm enjoying the time, and I am so happy to be getting things done in the house and in my yard/makeshift garden areas.
You really, really need to compile these stories into a book. And I think I would enjoy the audio book even more, just to hear you tell the tales!
I'm on board for getting these into book form. There's one problem, though. No one would ever believe these stories. In addition, who, in her right mind, would continue to TELL THESE STORIES ON HERSELF???
Grandmother summoned me on Saturday to help her return a faulty lawnmower she had purchased at a local hardware store. I was using my father's truck while my car was at his repair shop (oil change time), so she needed my assistance. [Side note: lunatic uncle also has a truck and LIVES in her house. He was unable to help because he was napping so that he and a parolee friend could go fishing.]
Summary of togetherness experience:
*I did not make the ten-minute drive to her house as quickly as she would have liked. She called me as I was turning on to her street to find out where I was and how much longer I would be. When I told her, she was pleased and said she looked forward to seeing me soon. *grandmother's 89-year-old boyfriend was standing in the driveway, motioning me in as if he were an air-traffic controller. [Side note: I have never had any trouble getting in or out of grandmother's driveway. I am unsure what precipitated his hand-waving as I pulled in.] *grandmother screeched at boyfriend as he wheeled lawnmower toward the truck. He was either wheeling too quickly or too slowly. I was unable to tell. *boyfriend and I picked up mower and put it in the bed of the truck. Grandmother offered suggestions as we did this. *upon our arrival at the hardware store, grandmother exited the truck and headed toward a side entrance that said "Contractors Only." I followed after her, saying that I didn't think we could use this entrance. She continued on until she reached the door (I called this out to her for the 30-foot walk to the door), but then she saw the sign on the door. She stopped, turned, looked at me, and said, "This door is for contractors only." I nodded and could think of nothing to say. She shrugged and said, "We're going in here, anyway. They won't stop US." [Grandmother is not quite 4'10". It's not hard to stop her.] *we walked through the hardware store and made our way to the front counters. There was a man behind a register with several people waiting to check out. Grandmother walked up to the counter, disregarded the line of people, and hollered (that's the only word for it), "I've got that bad lawnmower in the truck outside." He looked up, recognized her (??), and said, "What's wrong with it?" He did not receive a response, however. She had already turned and walked away, and she left me standing there like a fool. He looked at me, as did everyone else in the line. I just shrugged and backed away so that I could go hide on the birdseed aisle. *I got distracted by something shiny on another aisle (faucets, as it turns out), so I missed the big lawnmower exchange. I met up with grandmother at the back of the store, and she said, "He just decided to give me a new one. This one's NEVER been used." I said, "That's good. Was the other one?" That's when I learned that she had not only purchased a used lawnmower from the hardware store, but she had also purchased a lawnmower that someone had returned because it didn't work well. I can only speculate as to how she came to be in possession of a used, non-working mower. I believe she was probably there when someone returned it and was blinded by what a great deal she would get. I only wish I could have witnessed how she came to have a brand-new one without paying the difference. *hardware store man loaded the mower and presented grandmother with a complimentary quart of oil for her trouble. I received nothing. *upon our return, boyfriend was back in the driveway, motioning me in for another safe landing. I wonder if he ever went inside. *when grandmother and I got out of the truck, boyfriend asked, "Now how are we going to get this out of the truck?" I suggested that we could get it out since we had put the first one in there. He said, "Oh, we did, now, did we?" I had no response to that. I honestly don't know if he didn't remember that we did that or if he just likes to have a quip for everything. *after we took the mower out of the truck, boyfriend said, "Who'd have thought you could do something like this? I never knew you could pick up anything." Fortunately, I've absorbed and deflected enough of his "comments" to not take this personally. [Perhaps one day I'll tell the Thanksgiving dinner story. He had many comments for me on that occasion.] *grandmother thanked me and told me to "get on in the house." I froze. I REALLY wanted to go home. I told her that I would be back the next day since I needed to complete my yard work before the rain started. This excuse was approved. *after I turned off her street, grandmother called and said she had left her quart of free oil in the truck. She told me that I needed to bring it back. This reduced the chance that I might be tempted to use it. *grandmother was waiting in her driveway (no sign of boyfriend this time). She accepted her oil and gave me a parting gift--a bean sprout in an old plastic yogurt container. She had to raise her voice to make the point that the bean plant would be a runner and that I should plan accordingly.
Just retelling this has exhausted me. Time for a break before I describe Part II--Sunday.
