Been a while since I posted. The W continues to say that we will D no matter what. She has concluded that she can never trust me again. To be honest, I don't blame her, I lied to her so many times about smoking and other things. This would be far from my second chance. She says she would be a fool to take me back after how much I betrayed her. Again, I don't blame her, but it doesn't make me love her any less. Her bottom line is that we both need to work on ourselves and would be no good together right now. I actually agree with this, so far, I am in much better physical shape, my relationship with my son has improved greatly, I mostly have quit drinking coffee (cigs are nxt), and I read my Bible and pray daily. So while it's hard to argue with her point here, I still don't want to D. I know that one day we could be perfect for each other after a lot of soul-searching and self improvement. And with my religious beliefs, I cannot agree with a D under these circumstances.
Here is what throws me. I have fallen off the DB wagon a few times this week, starting fights with her (so she will at least talk to me... yeah..bad), I have greatly frustrated her. But at the end of it all, she still wants to be friends. Also, she agreed to wait until 6/18/10 to file which is what we had agreed for the end of the separation, at one point she wanted to file ASAP (but she was angry and I talked her out of it). But even after I anger her to the point of her not wanting to talk, she tells me she will still respect my wish to wait until 6/18.. Ok I'm not sure if that's good or bad. From reading these boards I have seen where all of a sudden the WAW gets trigger shy. Anyone have a take on this? Any WAWs out there with some perspective? Should this scare me? I really don't know how to take it, seems like such a contradiction. We can still talk and laugh, we can still get along unless the R talk starts, then it's downhill quick (so yeah.. stop it dummy? right?) Just dunno what to think
