U really need to start being happy for the arrival of the baby and we need to focus our energy on him
He is so right. Thank you everyone, you are good friends. P, you are right, I need to detach and go into NC. I truly believe I need to. Will go over all of your comments from work tomorrow. Hard to reply and really read on my phone.
Lsg, I guess you are right... Time will heal, and emotions are just real.
HI BD just wanted to second Piano's advice. At this time, the NC is truly truly for you to just heal and deal!
It does ease the pain. I swear!
About the divorce- might as well go for it now. Best case- if he doesn't want it, he could wake up and do the work he needs to get you back.
Worst case- the divorce goes through and you would be in the same situation you are now. Oh- but you have to see him due to the baby.
divorce takes awhile to complete. I shouldn't be so afraid of it myself--it's the damn OW that complicates it!!!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
both of you, if WH will focus energies upon the new arrival, allow it and allow him to be your husband. If he does not, then you let him go in whatever time period you decide.
I think it's best to create as much calm around the birth time as possible, #1 for BD's sake. BD, you must be able to relish the moment when you meet your baby. only have people present in the room and in the hours after that make you feel LOVED, SUPPORTED and SAFE. When WH meets the baby, don't interfere - let that meeting happen 'uncontaminated'...
How you handle susequent visits is up to you and how you are feeling towards WH. If he's annoying you, limit visits, but don't blame it on him. As a new mother, you are allowed to want your space, peace and rest... everyone understands that.
I don't think DLS knows you BD. Just a turn of phrase, DLS?
Me 36; H 40 baby born in May M:13, T:15 Bomb (OW): Dec 09 began DBing: Feb WH overseas with OW old: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2027369#Post2027369
But that's the thing DLS, he doesn't want to be my husband. I think he only wants to help, to do the "right thing" and for his own sake. But not for mine. If WH cared about me, he wouldve wanted to go to therapy to figure out where we went wrong.
I can only assume he never loved me and wasn't happy with me for a long time to be so confident about his decision now. Or he met someone or has OW to know he'd rather be with other women than me. So basically what we had for the past 12 years meant squat to him. Or he wouldve wanted to get that back.
Ummm and you never answered my question... Do I know you?
He loved you BD. He did. Don't let his current alien state erase that for you. People don't stick around 1yr, 5yrs or 12yrs being unhappy. My WH is saying he had doubts 7 years ago. Should've left then. 7 years of doubts..really??? It's bull.
